Wow, so it's been a little while since the pain has hurt so badly that I can't breathe, but it just took my breath away. And nothing really triggered it...it just sort of appeared out of nowhere. I think I keep trying to run from it. It's weird because I run away from it by talking about facing the pain. Ha. I just want to be okay again...
-Elisa.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Work! Hoorah.
Well, I lost my entire last post because my internet decided to quit working. Awesome. So here's a brief recap of what the lost post said:
I have no job.
Well, that's kind of a lie. The lady from the Chamber of Commerce in Brooks decided against hiring me and the SPEC Association cancelled my interview because they filled the position. So that was discouraging. But I am currently working twice a week at Lynnae's parents' farm and also once a week for my aunt. I will be doing yardwork, painting, fencing, and whatever else needs to be done. My aunt also said that her sister may be interested in hiring me, as well as an elderly couple who need help with their yardwork. So, I could be pretty busy! I hope so. Unfortunately, this throws all plans for visiting friends (in Edmonton and beyond) up in the air because I may be working six days a week. This makes me rather sad, but we'll see how things go.
Also, I found out that I am eligible for two more scholarships! Hoorah! Free money = happy Elisa.
Anyways, I would love to share about a goldmine prayer that I stumbled upon in my Bible, but I really need to get to bed. So, I will have to defer that for now.
-Elisa.
I have no job.
Well, that's kind of a lie. The lady from the Chamber of Commerce in Brooks decided against hiring me and the SPEC Association cancelled my interview because they filled the position. So that was discouraging. But I am currently working twice a week at Lynnae's parents' farm and also once a week for my aunt. I will be doing yardwork, painting, fencing, and whatever else needs to be done. My aunt also said that her sister may be interested in hiring me, as well as an elderly couple who need help with their yardwork. So, I could be pretty busy! I hope so. Unfortunately, this throws all plans for visiting friends (in Edmonton and beyond) up in the air because I may be working six days a week. This makes me rather sad, but we'll see how things go.
Also, I found out that I am eligible for two more scholarships! Hoorah! Free money = happy Elisa.
Anyways, I would love to share about a goldmine prayer that I stumbled upon in my Bible, but I really need to get to bed. So, I will have to defer that for now.
-Elisa.
Friday, May 21, 2010
His
Isaiah 43:1-5
But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour... Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you..."
These words have been tumbling around in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Back in the beginning of April, a classmate sent me a Scripture reference for something in Isaiah 40 and I happened upon the above verses, as well. Two weeks ago, I came across them again when I was doing my daily (or unfortunately, my not-so-daily) Bible reading. This past Sunday in church, an elderly woman shared these verses with the congregation and explained how they have been a source of strength for her in the past two years since her husband died.
The promises in these words are incredible! God created me, He redeemed me from my sin and shame, and He calls me by name! I find it amazing that God calls me by name. There are however-many billion people on this earth and have been billions before me, but God knows MY name and He calls ME forth into His light and to walk in His ways. He promises me that He will walk with me and He won't let me be burnt, drowned, swept over, or be set ablaze. I am His!
God says that I am precious, honoured, and loved in His sight. That is amazing because He sees everything about me! He sees all of the things that I don't want anyone else to see and try to hide, yet He still loves me. I never have to worry about Him failing me in any way because He can't fail me. He is God and He is perfect! He can't fail. I am thankful for that.
-Elisa.
But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour... Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you..."
These words have been tumbling around in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Back in the beginning of April, a classmate sent me a Scripture reference for something in Isaiah 40 and I happened upon the above verses, as well. Two weeks ago, I came across them again when I was doing my daily (or unfortunately, my not-so-daily) Bible reading. This past Sunday in church, an elderly woman shared these verses with the congregation and explained how they have been a source of strength for her in the past two years since her husband died.
The promises in these words are incredible! God created me, He redeemed me from my sin and shame, and He calls me by name! I find it amazing that God calls me by name. There are however-many billion people on this earth and have been billions before me, but God knows MY name and He calls ME forth into His light and to walk in His ways. He promises me that He will walk with me and He won't let me be burnt, drowned, swept over, or be set ablaze. I am His!
God says that I am precious, honoured, and loved in His sight. That is amazing because He sees everything about me! He sees all of the things that I don't want anyone else to see and try to hide, yet He still loves me. I never have to worry about Him failing me in any way because He can't fail me. He is God and He is perfect! He can't fail. I am thankful for that.
-Elisa.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Dragons! (now there's an attention-grabbing title...)
Currently, I am reading through The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis and I am on the fourth book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It has been said that Aslan, the great Lion, is a metaphor for Jesus. I have been keeping that in mind while I read and it is interesting to see how Lewis works his metaphor into every book and into every character, in some way. The most interesting passage to me is found in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and I stumbled upon it this evening so I thought I would share it with whomever is reading this. (Bear with me, as it's a fairly long passage.)
To provide some background, Eustace is the one speaking and he is explaining about how Aslan (whom he does not know about) has returned him to his human state, after being trapped as a dragon for several days. Eustace was a "beastly" boy and he complained about everything and everyone else, but he could do no wrong in his own eyes. He was made into a dragon because of his selfish and dragonish thoughts. So, onwards with the passage!
"So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden--trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
...The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me that I must undress first.
...I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. ...So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully... In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means that I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe. Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg...Then the lion said, 'You will have to let me undress you.'
...The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that mde me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.
...Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off--just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt--and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been."
After this, Aslan throws Eustace into the well so that he can bathe and he realizes that he is a boy again, instead of a dragon. Aslan gives Eustace new clothes to wear and returns him to his friends.
What I found interesting about this passage is how it mirrors what Christ does to/for believers. He peels back our "skin" of sin and makes us a new creation in Him. He calls himself "living water" and we are called to put off our old selves and be made new in Him. Honestly, though, I can't get rid of my sin by myself. I know how wretched and awful I am and those are on my good days. It is only through Jesus that I can actually be free from my sin and be made new, perfected in Him. I won't be perfect on this earth, but someday He will return and then I will be perfected for eternity. I long for that day.
Jesus is continually peeling back the layers of sin in my life and it hurts. It cuts to my heart, and it's hard to lie still and submit to the cleansing. But it has to be done if I want to be free from my dragon-heart and thoughts.
Anyways, those were just some thoughts that I had while I was reading. Have a lovely evening!
-Elisa.
To provide some background, Eustace is the one speaking and he is explaining about how Aslan (whom he does not know about) has returned him to his human state, after being trapped as a dragon for several days. Eustace was a "beastly" boy and he complained about everything and everyone else, but he could do no wrong in his own eyes. He was made into a dragon because of his selfish and dragonish thoughts. So, onwards with the passage!
"So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden--trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
...The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me that I must undress first.
...I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. ...So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully... In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means that I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe. Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg...Then the lion said, 'You will have to let me undress you.'
...The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that mde me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.
...Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off--just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt--and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been."
After this, Aslan throws Eustace into the well so that he can bathe and he realizes that he is a boy again, instead of a dragon. Aslan gives Eustace new clothes to wear and returns him to his friends.
What I found interesting about this passage is how it mirrors what Christ does to/for believers. He peels back our "skin" of sin and makes us a new creation in Him. He calls himself "living water" and we are called to put off our old selves and be made new in Him. Honestly, though, I can't get rid of my sin by myself. I know how wretched and awful I am and those are on my good days. It is only through Jesus that I can actually be free from my sin and be made new, perfected in Him. I won't be perfect on this earth, but someday He will return and then I will be perfected for eternity. I long for that day.
Jesus is continually peeling back the layers of sin in my life and it hurts. It cuts to my heart, and it's hard to lie still and submit to the cleansing. But it has to be done if I want to be free from my dragon-heart and thoughts.
Anyways, those were just some thoughts that I had while I was reading. Have a lovely evening!
-Elisa.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
A Starry Sky
I got sunburn today. It hurts a lot, which is probably not the best thing but it also means that summer is coming!!! Hooray, hoorah! Actually, summer is usually not my favorite because it means that there are mosquitoes and ridiculous amounts of heat, but I love summer nights. It's amazing to be able to sit out on the deck with a cup of tea and a light blanket, and just look at the stars. Just gaze at God's artwork and grandeur. I drove a friend home after we had an evening of catching up (awesome!) and I stayed outside after I parked my car. The sky was totally clear and there was just a gentle breeze, so I could hear the birds singing their last songs before going to bed, and I could hear the cows calling their calves to them for the night. And the sky was full of stars! Sometimes I can hardly believe that they are real! It was so beautiful and peaceful. It's amazing to think that the stars are only a fraction of what God can do and the grandeur that He can create.
Psalm 150
"Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and the lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord."
-Elisa.
Psalm 150
"Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and the lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord."
-Elisa.
Monday, May 10, 2010
One Day at a Time
Well, it is another day. It was a rough weekend, and I am searching and only coming up with a lot of questions and no answers. I want to be done this season of life, and onto the hope/joy of the future. But I have to go through the valley to get to that point. I'm tired of seeing mountains on either side of me, blocking me view of the things on the other side and my destination. I don't have the energy to climb the mountains right now, but the road back has caved in. So...I guess I have to go onwards.
"One Day at a Time" by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
"One day at a time I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time, well, I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see You took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan You have for me, for me
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
One day at a time
One day at a time I will take these words You've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing You
One day at a time I will share this gift You've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
And all I know is that I see
How much my heart is longing to be cradled by Your side
Yeah, I'll give all I can
To one day soon be held by Your hand, by Your hand
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
In all these things I will press on, yeah
I'll be with You, I know it won't be long
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life"
"One Day at a Time" by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
"One day at a time I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time, well, I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see You took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan You have for me, for me
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
One day at a time
One day at a time I will take these words You've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing You
One day at a time I will share this gift You've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
And all I know is that I see
How much my heart is longing to be cradled by Your side
Yeah, I'll give all I can
To one day soon be held by Your hand, by Your hand
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
In all these things I will press on, yeah
I'll be with You, I know it won't be long
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life"
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A Blue Day
My interview with the Chamber of Commerce went well and I will hear back from the manager sometime this week about whether or not I am hired. I hope I am! I will have a lot to learn and it will be challenging, but I like challenges.
I am very lonely today and missing my New Sarepta ladies. I am feeling the separation and loss a lot today.
-Elisa.
I am very lonely today and missing my New Sarepta ladies. I am feeling the separation and loss a lot today.
-Elisa.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A Good Day! Hoorah!
I have a job interview on Friday! Hoorah, praise God! I dropped my resume off at the Brooks and District Chamber of Commerce and the manager looked over it and immediately asked me to come in for an interview on Friday. Amazing!
I also saw a friend from high school/Bible school who I hadn't seen in a long time and it was great to be able to talk with her again and I am excited to be back in contact with her after an entire year of pseudo-conversation on Facebook. And I saw a woman from my church who has become one of my good friends this past year and is part of my "support group" who prays for me daily and gives me amazing hugs and advice whenever she sees me. It was a good day, and it was all because of God.
I have a few prayer requests:
-that my interview will go well on Friday (and praise that I have an interview!)
-that I will stop having such vivid dreams every night (this entire week I've been dreaming again so I wake up exhausted and sad)
-safety for my brother as he is with his school choir in Edmonton and driving home tomorrow
Thanks!
Here's a song that is purely piano and utterly beautiful. Enjoy!
Comptine d'un Autre Été from the movie "Amelie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBZPa-kLLCE
-Elisa.
I also saw a friend from high school/Bible school who I hadn't seen in a long time and it was great to be able to talk with her again and I am excited to be back in contact with her after an entire year of pseudo-conversation on Facebook. And I saw a woman from my church who has become one of my good friends this past year and is part of my "support group" who prays for me daily and gives me amazing hugs and advice whenever she sees me. It was a good day, and it was all because of God.
I have a few prayer requests:
-that my interview will go well on Friday (and praise that I have an interview!)
-that I will stop having such vivid dreams every night (this entire week I've been dreaming again so I wake up exhausted and sad)
-safety for my brother as he is with his school choir in Edmonton and driving home tomorrow
Thanks!
Here's a song that is purely piano and utterly beautiful. Enjoy!
Comptine d'un Autre Été from the movie "Amelie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBZPa-kLLCE
-Elisa.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I Believe In Love
Music helps me to hold onto hope. It is amazing to know that God directed someone that I will never meet to write the words that would touch my heart and bring me back to my place at His feet. He knows what I need to hear and He planned for someone else to write the words and the melody that would bring me comfort. The musician will never know, but God chose them to bring me peace and to bless my life with their gift. The following song is my heart in a nutshell lately. The first link is to a video of Alyssa Barlow explaining the inspiration for the song and it's a pretty cool clip.
"I Believe in Love" by BarlowGirl
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe."
That's what it comes down to right now: I believe, and God is faithful.
-Elisa.
"I Believe in Love" by BarlowGirl
"How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe."
That's what it comes down to right now: I believe, and God is faithful.
-Elisa.
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Battlefield
I am struggling to express myself right now or introduce my thoughts in a coherent manner, so I may as well just start off without any introduction.
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She knew there was a threat coming, but she did not know the form that it would take, nor what manner in which it would arrive, nor when it would arrive. She only knew that the threat was alive and coming closer. In the first hours of that morning, she knew "when" had arrived because there was silence from the other side. Truly, the silence before the storm.
The hours that followed were filled with dread and panicked calls to command centres asking for help in whatever form was available. The other side had finally asked one simple request, which she knew meant the end. And she waited, unable to flee from the coming storm and hoping that something would happen to possibly avert disaster, but time sped her towards a darkness that she had prayed against for weeks.
She watched the darkness approach, unable to believe the enormity and reality of it. Every muscle in her body screamed for her to flee from this storm, but the darkness held her tight and she had nowhere to run. Her fists pounded at the darkness til she was exhausted, but it was unmoving and silent in the face of her pleas for mercy or more time.
And then the bomb fell, shattering the darkness and revealing the victims. In the brilliance of the blast, she could see the outcome and the carnage for an instant before clouds of smoke engulfed the vision and left her choking for breath. Flames ate her bones and sought to burn her heart, turning water droplets into steam before they could touch her and bring salvation or healing.
As the weeks passed, the flames were subdued but their presence remained, smoldering among the victims and occasionally grabbing at her heart again. They were still hungry, but now streams of water were flowing in to douse them and protect her vulnerability. But she couldn't see the one who provided these streams because the smoke obscured her vision. When it cleared momentarily, she could finally see the victims and, in those moments, she fell into the flames' grasps again.
The victims littered the area where the bomb had fallen, creating a battlefield where no war had been fought. Hopes, dreams, friends, family had all been lost in the blast and lay in pieces, surrounding her. Flames created a barrier between her and these victims, burning her every time she reached to put them back together. And so she wandered the battlefield, lost in the haze that made everything grey and fought to understand and to accept.
And the silence from the other side continued, changing only in its magnitude. It was everywhere and in everything, because the other side was gone. She could not find an enemy to fight or rail against; she was forced to accept the totality of what the bomb had done in her life and future. She was forced to accept.
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I apologize for the incoherency and spelling or grammatical errors. I tend to write with my eyes closed and rarely edit things. It makes it more of a catharsis if I just let it come out "as is."
-Elisa.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She knew there was a threat coming, but she did not know the form that it would take, nor what manner in which it would arrive, nor when it would arrive. She only knew that the threat was alive and coming closer. In the first hours of that morning, she knew "when" had arrived because there was silence from the other side. Truly, the silence before the storm.
The hours that followed were filled with dread and panicked calls to command centres asking for help in whatever form was available. The other side had finally asked one simple request, which she knew meant the end. And she waited, unable to flee from the coming storm and hoping that something would happen to possibly avert disaster, but time sped her towards a darkness that she had prayed against for weeks.
She watched the darkness approach, unable to believe the enormity and reality of it. Every muscle in her body screamed for her to flee from this storm, but the darkness held her tight and she had nowhere to run. Her fists pounded at the darkness til she was exhausted, but it was unmoving and silent in the face of her pleas for mercy or more time.
And then the bomb fell, shattering the darkness and revealing the victims. In the brilliance of the blast, she could see the outcome and the carnage for an instant before clouds of smoke engulfed the vision and left her choking for breath. Flames ate her bones and sought to burn her heart, turning water droplets into steam before they could touch her and bring salvation or healing.
As the weeks passed, the flames were subdued but their presence remained, smoldering among the victims and occasionally grabbing at her heart again. They were still hungry, but now streams of water were flowing in to douse them and protect her vulnerability. But she couldn't see the one who provided these streams because the smoke obscured her vision. When it cleared momentarily, she could finally see the victims and, in those moments, she fell into the flames' grasps again.
The victims littered the area where the bomb had fallen, creating a battlefield where no war had been fought. Hopes, dreams, friends, family had all been lost in the blast and lay in pieces, surrounding her. Flames created a barrier between her and these victims, burning her every time she reached to put them back together. And so she wandered the battlefield, lost in the haze that made everything grey and fought to understand and to accept.
And the silence from the other side continued, changing only in its magnitude. It was everywhere and in everything, because the other side was gone. She could not find an enemy to fight or rail against; she was forced to accept the totality of what the bomb had done in her life and future. She was forced to accept.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologize for the incoherency and spelling or grammatical errors. I tend to write with my eyes closed and rarely edit things. It makes it more of a catharsis if I just let it come out "as is."
-Elisa.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Grace Greater Than Niagra Falls!
I had a pretty cool brainwave this morning while driving to church. Even though I am five hours away from some of my dearest friends in New Sarepta, I can praise the same God with them on Sunday mornings at the same time because we are all a part of the body of Christ and our God is everywhere, all the time! I am able to worship the God of all creation with my friends, no matter where we are because we are all in Him! I find that really amazing and an incredible blessing, especially when I am feeling lonely here in Gem.
I also had an answer to prayer this morning at church. While I was getting ready for church this morning, I told God that I hoped Changed (a worship team at my church) was playing and that they would play some of my favorite songs because it would be so encouraging. When I got to church and was walking in, I heard Changed playing and then for congregational singing they had chosen my absolute favorite song, Stuart Townend and Keith Getty's "In Christ Alone."
Pastor Barry preached on Ephesians 1:7-10 this morning and I wanted to share what I learned because I found it so refreshing and uplifting! Truly, God answers prayer and He knows what my heart needs.
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to use the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."
Barry pointed out that we are doubly Christ's because He created us and then He saved us again by sacrificing Himself for us. He bought us back from sin and death by giving up His life for us, which is redemption. Christ has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west, He has flung them from us and they no longer exist. Even though we will never fully get away from our sin because we are human, we can still rejoice in the fact that Jesus' blood covers our sin and we are saved. When God looks at me, He does not see my sin but sees instead the atoning blood of His Son on my life. That's really cool! And God pours grace upon grace upon grace onto our lives and His grace will never run dry! The Niagra Falls will run dry first. I found that to be such an eye-opening thought. I saw the Niagra Falls once as a child and it was overwhelming to think of all the water that flows over those falls. It has been flowing for years and will continue until God stops them up, yet God's grace is even more limitless than those falls! He is worthy of praise.
Anyways, I have some letters to write so I am going to leave a link to an amazing song and I hope that you're having a blessed day.
Jeremy Camp, "Healing Hand of God"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg
-Elisa.
I also had an answer to prayer this morning at church. While I was getting ready for church this morning, I told God that I hoped Changed (a worship team at my church) was playing and that they would play some of my favorite songs because it would be so encouraging. When I got to church and was walking in, I heard Changed playing and then for congregational singing they had chosen my absolute favorite song, Stuart Townend and Keith Getty's "In Christ Alone."
Pastor Barry preached on Ephesians 1:7-10 this morning and I wanted to share what I learned because I found it so refreshing and uplifting! Truly, God answers prayer and He knows what my heart needs.
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to use the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."
Barry pointed out that we are doubly Christ's because He created us and then He saved us again by sacrificing Himself for us. He bought us back from sin and death by giving up His life for us, which is redemption. Christ has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west, He has flung them from us and they no longer exist. Even though we will never fully get away from our sin because we are human, we can still rejoice in the fact that Jesus' blood covers our sin and we are saved. When God looks at me, He does not see my sin but sees instead the atoning blood of His Son on my life. That's really cool! And God pours grace upon grace upon grace onto our lives and His grace will never run dry! The Niagra Falls will run dry first. I found that to be such an eye-opening thought. I saw the Niagra Falls once as a child and it was overwhelming to think of all the water that flows over those falls. It has been flowing for years and will continue until God stops them up, yet God's grace is even more limitless than those falls! He is worthy of praise.
Anyways, I have some letters to write so I am going to leave a link to an amazing song and I hope that you're having a blessed day.
Jeremy Camp, "Healing Hand of God"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg
-Elisa.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Hold My Heart
Kristyn posted a link and the lyrics to "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North in the comments area on yesterday's post and I am putting them here because this song is amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z52WaOr1-g
"How long must I pray, must I pray to you?
How long must I wait, must I wait for you?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You turn to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking tear?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
Hold my heart, could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart"
Today is one month. It feels like it's only been moments since it was ended, but it also feels like years since I have seen him.
-Elisa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z52WaOr1-g
"How long must I pray, must I pray to you?
How long must I wait, must I wait for you?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You turn to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking tear?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
Hold my heart, could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart"
Today is one month. It feels like it's only been moments since it was ended, but it also feels like years since I have seen him.
-Elisa.
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