Today I find myself internally ranting at God about suffering and why He allows it to occur. His plans are good, perfect, and ultimately for my benefit or the benefit of others, but why does He let me and my friends hurt along the way? Why does He allow broken hearts, broken dreams, lost loved ones, and all the rest? I don't understand the purpose of pain and I am tired of arguing with myself about why, if, when, how, and everything else! And, once again, I find myself falling into my habit of saying "but" statements. God is faithful, but I am in pain. God is good, but my heart is hurting. God's plans are perfect, but I am (fill in the blank).
And, once again, God is gently saying, "No, Elisa. Listen to me. Hear My heart and understand this. You are in pain, but I am faithful. Your heart is hurting, but I am good. You can't see the way forward, but I know the plans I have for you and they are perfect."
You see, this has more significance to me than just having the sentence switched around. I have only watched one Dr. Phil episode in my life and he was saying that the word "but" erases everything in the sentence before it. It negates what came before. So, when I am saying that God is faithful, but I am in pain, I am negating His faithfulness. I'm throwing it back into His face and, ultimately, saying, "Look what YOU did to me! You who are supposed to be faithful. Look at the pain!" Instead, I should be saying everything the other way around, because then I am saying that, even though my heart is hurting, God is faithful. And then my eyes are drawn to God's face, instead of having them focussed on the pain that is here right now.
God's face is beautiful. It is full of love, grace, and mercy. It is the face of the Father who loved His lost ones enough to send His Beloved to earth to win my heart back. It is the face of the Father who knows the pain that I am going through and allows it because He knows that I will be more beautiful and more in-tune with Him for it. I still don't understand suffering, but right now I am okay with that, because I trust in Him to bring me through it and someday I may know why.
Check out this awesome song called "My Savior My God" by Aaron Shust. It's pretty wonderful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb8IpU7asRA
-Elisa.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Blessings
Ever since Richard told me on Sunday what God had said to him about God blessing me in ways greater than Richard could even imagine, I have been curious about these blessings. What are they? When do I start looking for them? I realized the other night, though, that God doesn't want me to just wait around for Him to start pouring blessings onto my life. Rather, I am to walk in His will and glorify Him. And, through committing my life to Him and submitting to His will, then I will be blessed simply through those actions.
Maybe God will bless me in the way that I hope He will, but He might not. However, if I am in His will and submitting to Him, then I think that I will accept His blessings no matter what form they take and be thankful for them. I have to choose to view things as blessings, no matter how small they end up being. And then those "small" blessings will become huge because they are from God and the fact that He wants to bless me in the first place is amazing, awe-inspiring, and HUGE!
-Elisa.
Maybe God will bless me in the way that I hope He will, but He might not. However, if I am in His will and submitting to Him, then I think that I will accept His blessings no matter what form they take and be thankful for them. I have to choose to view things as blessings, no matter how small they end up being. And then those "small" blessings will become huge because they are from God and the fact that He wants to bless me in the first place is amazing, awe-inspiring, and HUGE!
-Elisa.
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Most Beautiful Romance
Two posts in one day! Wow.
I found this song on my friend Alex's wedding site and it wowed me. It is such a huge promise!
"Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUykqETc0XQ
"Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you,
throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for"
Love is worth fighting for and Jesus proved this when He, the greatest Lover of all, took my sins to the cross and died for me so that I could have eternal life. He is my shelter, my peace, and He is not going to let me leave the safety of His arms. He fought for me and will continue to fight for my heart. How utterly romantic and wonderful!
God is love. Jesus is God with us. Jesus is love with us! In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we have the promise of what Jesus' love consists.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!"
I don't know about you, but this love sends tingles down my spine and it makes me breathless. I am in awe of the great God who would send His beloved Son to save ME because of this love. What mercy, what grace! He is worthy of praise. And He calls me to share love like this with the world. That is a huge challenge, but when God pours this sort of love into me, I can't help but be a leaky vessel and spew the love back to the world. God's love is not meant to be contained, for it can shake the foundations of the world.
I had to share.
-Elisa.
I found this song on my friend Alex's wedding site and it wowed me. It is such a huge promise!
"Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUykqETc0XQ
"Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you,
throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for"
Love is worth fighting for and Jesus proved this when He, the greatest Lover of all, took my sins to the cross and died for me so that I could have eternal life. He is my shelter, my peace, and He is not going to let me leave the safety of His arms. He fought for me and will continue to fight for my heart. How utterly romantic and wonderful!
God is love. Jesus is God with us. Jesus is love with us! In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we have the promise of what Jesus' love consists.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!"
I don't know about you, but this love sends tingles down my spine and it makes me breathless. I am in awe of the great God who would send His beloved Son to save ME because of this love. What mercy, what grace! He is worthy of praise. And He calls me to share love like this with the world. That is a huge challenge, but when God pours this sort of love into me, I can't help but be a leaky vessel and spew the love back to the world. God's love is not meant to be contained, for it can shake the foundations of the world.
I had to share.
-Elisa.
where else can i go?
John 6:68-69
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
So, with that truth in mind, where else can I go? There is nothing other than God that will heal my heart or bring me peace.
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
So, with that truth in mind, where else can I go? There is nothing other than God that will heal my heart or bring me peace.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Cling to Jesus
Nighttimes are the loneliest. When the world slows down and my mind has time to think about what I've lost, that's when my heart hurts the most. It is when I want to fall asleep and not wake up until life is okay again, but I don't know when that will be. It is when I miss my friends the most and being able to go to Jessica's on a moment's notice if I need to. It is when I remember texting Nick and having him keep me company, if only through a cellphone.
I lost my best friend, my comforter, my lover, my future, hopes, and dreams. All in one instance. And I don't know what God is doing, but I do know that it hurts.
However, today at church a man came up to me who has known me since I was a child. He told me that he had prayed for me just as the service ended, asking God to bless me. God answered him as though He were actually in the room and told Richard, "You have no idea how greatly I am going to bless her." My heart has trouble believing that this pain is a blessing and that this time of searching and questioning is going to bear fruit. But all I have left is God and I must realize that He is sufficient from moment to moment. I do not know where this dark path leads, but I do know that it will take me to light someday. Therefore, all I can do now is press into Jesus and cling to Him.
Dr. Michael Pahl, former professor of New Testament at Prairie and now a pastor at Lendrum MB in Edmonton, wrote in his address to the junior/senior students at Prairie this year the following excerpt:
"...when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus.
Life doesn't just throw curveballs, soemtimes it pitches right at your head. And you can't always duck out of the way, then get up and dust yourself off to face another pitch. Sometimes you writhe around in pain on the playing field of life, and sometimes you have to be carried off in a stretcher.
At those times, there is no vocational skill that will make sense of any of this for you; but neigther is there any theology that will share the pain searing your soul; there is no philosophy that will come alongside you and wrap you in its arms; there is no biblical exegesis that will weep with you and sit with you in silence. But Jesus will, and your Jesus friends will, and you will do this for your friends, being Jesus to them even as they are Jesus to you. This is God's answer to your suffering: he weeps with you, wraps you in his arms, he absorbs your pain into himself, he enters into your suffering as he has already entered into the suffering of the world in Jesus.
So when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus."
I will probably post more from his address later on, but if you want to read the entirety of it for yourself (it's amazing, by the by), here is the link:
http://michaelpahl.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/cling-to-jesus/#comment-102
Well, I have some cover letters to finish so that I can fax some resumes tomorrow. If anyone is actually reading this, then please pray that I will be able to find a job quickly. I am rather nervous but God is faithful and He provides.
-Elisa.
I lost my best friend, my comforter, my lover, my future, hopes, and dreams. All in one instance. And I don't know what God is doing, but I do know that it hurts.
However, today at church a man came up to me who has known me since I was a child. He told me that he had prayed for me just as the service ended, asking God to bless me. God answered him as though He were actually in the room and told Richard, "You have no idea how greatly I am going to bless her." My heart has trouble believing that this pain is a blessing and that this time of searching and questioning is going to bear fruit. But all I have left is God and I must realize that He is sufficient from moment to moment. I do not know where this dark path leads, but I do know that it will take me to light someday. Therefore, all I can do now is press into Jesus and cling to Him.
Dr. Michael Pahl, former professor of New Testament at Prairie and now a pastor at Lendrum MB in Edmonton, wrote in his address to the junior/senior students at Prairie this year the following excerpt:
"...when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus.
Life doesn't just throw curveballs, soemtimes it pitches right at your head. And you can't always duck out of the way, then get up and dust yourself off to face another pitch. Sometimes you writhe around in pain on the playing field of life, and sometimes you have to be carried off in a stretcher.
At those times, there is no vocational skill that will make sense of any of this for you; but neigther is there any theology that will share the pain searing your soul; there is no philosophy that will come alongside you and wrap you in its arms; there is no biblical exegesis that will weep with you and sit with you in silence. But Jesus will, and your Jesus friends will, and you will do this for your friends, being Jesus to them even as they are Jesus to you. This is God's answer to your suffering: he weeps with you, wraps you in his arms, he absorbs your pain into himself, he enters into your suffering as he has already entered into the suffering of the world in Jesus.
So when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus."
I will probably post more from his address later on, but if you want to read the entirety of it for yourself (it's amazing, by the by), here is the link:
http://michaelpahl.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/cling-to-jesus/#comment-102
Well, I have some cover letters to finish so that I can fax some resumes tomorrow. If anyone is actually reading this, then please pray that I will be able to find a job quickly. I am rather nervous but God is faithful and He provides.
-Elisa.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Standing Stones
Tonight I feel like I'm drowning under the pain and lost in this ocean of questions without answers and dreams that don't have an ending. I don't understand what God is doing right now and I am constantly trying to figure out what I need to do to "fix" this. But every time that I think about what I could do, God gently but firmly reminds me that He wants me to be still and know that He is God. That He wants me to trust Him and simply know that I am resting in His arms and walking in His will, even though everything seems so very dark these days.
I wrote this poem just over a year ago and I found it again a couple of days ago when I was cleaning out my room. It seems applicable now more than it did when I wrote it.
The darkness is warm,
even though it is full of negative connotations
Here I must simply walk;
I cannot run for I will fall
But when I walk, there is comfort
because when I walk, I trust
And, looking back, it is lighter
so I can see my standing stones*
They testify to His provision,
saving me from the wilderness
and the desolation of myself
Now I walk on, holding to nothing
but knowing my Lifeline
Even when I grope for a stronghold
and cry out as I stumble,
there is a peacefulness that calms me
and I can walk on,
knowing I am walking in the light,
even though it is dark
*The Jewish people erected standing stones as monuments to things God had done for them (i.e., battles won, plagues removed, etc.) to remind themselves of His provision when it seemed as though He wasn't favoring them.
I wrote this poem just over a year ago and I found it again a couple of days ago when I was cleaning out my room. It seems applicable now more than it did when I wrote it.
The darkness is warm,
even though it is full of negative connotations
Here I must simply walk;
I cannot run for I will fall
But when I walk, there is comfort
because when I walk, I trust
And, looking back, it is lighter
so I can see my standing stones*
They testify to His provision,
saving me from the wilderness
and the desolation of myself
Now I walk on, holding to nothing
but knowing my Lifeline
Even when I grope for a stronghold
and cry out as I stumble,
there is a peacefulness that calms me
and I can walk on,
knowing I am walking in the light,
even though it is dark
*The Jewish people erected standing stones as monuments to things God had done for them (i.e., battles won, plagues removed, etc.) to remind themselves of His provision when it seemed as though He wasn't favoring them.
Friday, April 23, 2010
A New Beginning
I have decided that it's time to resurrect my blog, even though I have only used it sporadically over the past few years. I want to share with friends what is in my heart and on my mind because I have found that I understand more about myself when I am sharing with others. I also think best when I am writing, so this is the best of both worlds. I am hoping to post often, even if it's simply a Bible verse or song lyrics that have encouraged me throughout my day. I also hope to share what God is teaching me and what He is showing me this summer.
So, for this "first" post (I am not erasing the few other posts from previous years) I want to share a song that my beautiful best friend Jessica showed me the other day. I first heard this song when my friends' mom died this past December. I didn't hear it again until Tuesday, when Jessica and I were talking about it and how she wanted me to hear it because it applied to our lives right now.
It's called "Safe" and is by Phil Wickham. This song has been on repeat for the past three days, and it is the promise that God is constantly reminding me about whenever I am feeling alone and broken (so most of the time). Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw8LeAM5KOI
Well, that's about all for now.
-Elisa.
So, for this "first" post (I am not erasing the few other posts from previous years) I want to share a song that my beautiful best friend Jessica showed me the other day. I first heard this song when my friends' mom died this past December. I didn't hear it again until Tuesday, when Jessica and I were talking about it and how she wanted me to hear it because it applied to our lives right now.
It's called "Safe" and is by Phil Wickham. This song has been on repeat for the past three days, and it is the promise that God is constantly reminding me about whenever I am feeling alone and broken (so most of the time). Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw8LeAM5KOI
Well, that's about all for now.
-Elisa.
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