"Promise of a Lifetime" by Kutless
I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me
[CHORUS:]
I know you're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime
Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me
[BRIDGE:]
I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted
Looking back at me
I know that you can see
my heart is open to the promise of a lifetime.
My heart is so torn apart tonight for the people that I love. Yet it is not my love that heals, but Jesus' love. And that's what Christmas is really about, right? And it's not with my strength but His that I can face tomorrow and the future with any certainty that everything will turn out as He has planned. And He will not give me more than I can bear, for He knows my heart and what I can handle. I am His beloved, and He is mine.
Merry Christmas, from my broken, healing heart to yours.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Law and Grace
Sometimes God amazes me with how He works, especially when I am being stubborn and unwilling to submit to Him. He is still faithful and still provides for me, despite my keen sense of pride and entitlement and my lack of thankfulness. His grace and mercy amaze me.
I am thinking of this tonight because every time I have attended Beulah Alliance Church, the pastor has spoken about subjects that I have journalled about and prayed over in the past week or even just in the few hours before church starts. Yesterday I wrote in my journal, "God, whenever I read Your Word, my eyes skip right over the grace and get straight to the condemnation." Tonight Pastor Taylor was preaching on Romans 7:14-25, in which Paul is trying to figure out why he still struggles with sin in his life when he desperately wants to be free from it. I have found myself in the same place in the past few weeks because there are some sins and temptations in my life that I struggle with almost daily, yet I don't want to do them anymore. I don't want to sin anymore, yet I find myself slipping back into it far too often. Daily, in fact.
Pastor Taylor was talking about the fact that we cannot free ourselves from sin because we don't have the power. However, Christ does and He has given us that power. We need to work at not sinning but do so through the strength that Christ provides for us when we become His children. By cultivating our relationships with Christ himself and focusing on Him, we will find ourselves struggling less. God wants you to love Him more than He wants you to "keep rules" because rules rarely create a deep sense of love or adoration for the person administering them. When we fall more and more in love with the Author and Perfector of our faith, we will find ourselves more in-tune with what pleases and displeases Him and we will want to work towards perfection out of a desire to please God, not appease Him.
God has grace that is unending and He wants to extend it to us. He doesn't want us to be bogged down by sin and feel as though we need to clean ourselves up before we can come to His throne and admit our folly. He yearns to give us freedom from our burdens and to show us how truly beloved we are.
Romans 8:1 offers such hope after the bleak reality of our inability to overcome sin totally while on earth. "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." I cling to this verse when I see my shortcomings and I need to bring my sin and temptations to Christ because He desires to help me and to see me become the woman of God that I am designed to be. It is scary to think that we are made for greatness because it is easier to be mediocre. But that is another whole topic that I won't get into right now. I can only do these things through God, whose power is made perfect in my weakness.
Well, that's all my ruminating for this evening. I hope I didn't write anything heretical or theologically unsound.
Elisa.
I am thinking of this tonight because every time I have attended Beulah Alliance Church, the pastor has spoken about subjects that I have journalled about and prayed over in the past week or even just in the few hours before church starts. Yesterday I wrote in my journal, "God, whenever I read Your Word, my eyes skip right over the grace and get straight to the condemnation." Tonight Pastor Taylor was preaching on Romans 7:14-25, in which Paul is trying to figure out why he still struggles with sin in his life when he desperately wants to be free from it. I have found myself in the same place in the past few weeks because there are some sins and temptations in my life that I struggle with almost daily, yet I don't want to do them anymore. I don't want to sin anymore, yet I find myself slipping back into it far too often. Daily, in fact.
Pastor Taylor was talking about the fact that we cannot free ourselves from sin because we don't have the power. However, Christ does and He has given us that power. We need to work at not sinning but do so through the strength that Christ provides for us when we become His children. By cultivating our relationships with Christ himself and focusing on Him, we will find ourselves struggling less. God wants you to love Him more than He wants you to "keep rules" because rules rarely create a deep sense of love or adoration for the person administering them. When we fall more and more in love with the Author and Perfector of our faith, we will find ourselves more in-tune with what pleases and displeases Him and we will want to work towards perfection out of a desire to please God, not appease Him.
God has grace that is unending and He wants to extend it to us. He doesn't want us to be bogged down by sin and feel as though we need to clean ourselves up before we can come to His throne and admit our folly. He yearns to give us freedom from our burdens and to show us how truly beloved we are.
Romans 8:1 offers such hope after the bleak reality of our inability to overcome sin totally while on earth. "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." I cling to this verse when I see my shortcomings and I need to bring my sin and temptations to Christ because He desires to help me and to see me become the woman of God that I am designed to be. It is scary to think that we are made for greatness because it is easier to be mediocre. But that is another whole topic that I won't get into right now. I can only do these things through God, whose power is made perfect in my weakness.
Well, that's all my ruminating for this evening. I hope I didn't write anything heretical or theologically unsound.
Elisa.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Here
Hearts emptied, bared before
the throne of Heaven
Shaking in fear and shame
for my wickedness and nakedness
In this moment, I am Adam.
I am Eve.
I was never perfect, though made
in God's image,
but their sin is my own
As I lay before my LORD God,
at His feet where I recognize fully
my unworthiness,
I am transformed
The barrenness is negated
and the sins committed every minute
are wiped away
as He reaches out His hands
There is silence here
I rest solely on His grace,
His compassion, mercy, and love
As my soul rests from screaming,
from railing against itself,
I find relief and comfort
Every emotion is heightened
yet it is not overwhelming,
rather it is relaxing
For here, and only here,
I am safe
I wrote this on August 31, 2008 and felt like sharing it again.
-Elisa.
the throne of Heaven
Shaking in fear and shame
for my wickedness and nakedness
In this moment, I am Adam.
I am Eve.
I was never perfect, though made
in God's image,
but their sin is my own
As I lay before my LORD God,
at His feet where I recognize fully
my unworthiness,
I am transformed
The barrenness is negated
and the sins committed every minute
are wiped away
as He reaches out His hands
There is silence here
I rest solely on His grace,
His compassion, mercy, and love
As my soul rests from screaming,
from railing against itself,
I find relief and comfort
Every emotion is heightened
yet it is not overwhelming,
rather it is relaxing
For here, and only here,
I am safe
I wrote this on August 31, 2008 and felt like sharing it again.
-Elisa.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
hands and feet.
Often I wonder how I could possibly change the world when I am such a small person with so many fears. I hear the words in my heart "change the world" but I do not know what the first step in that mission would be.
This year seems like such a waste right now because I am not doing anything. I find myself wondering whether or not I should even be in this program and taking these classes because I cannot see any purpose to it right now. Of course there is the purpose of finding a job after I graduate in April, but there has to be a larger reason for this time of training. I am frustrated because I want to be out on adventures and conquering the world for Christ, instead of wading through pages of legal cases about ruptured spleens and soft tissue damage. I love what I am learning but I want practical, hands-on application for it. I want to be out saving the world, not sitting behind a desk.
I find myself longingly studying applications for internships with International Justice Missions and the A21 Campaign instead of wanting to work on homework. I don't even know if God has an internship overseas in His plans for me, but I hope and pray that He does. I read stories of girls being trafficked for prostitution and my heart breaks and the only thing that I can think is "Take me there, God. Just take me there so I can hold them and help them and heal them somehow! Let me be Jesus to them."
Following quickly on the heels of those prayers, though, are the ever-present thoughts that I am not strong enough to go overseas, I am not knowledgeable enough of international legal processes, I am not called to go and my pride is just telling me to go. The list is a long one and it makes me doubt this passion in my heart for justice to be done and for these girls to be freed to know what love is. Who am I to go on a mission such as this? But despite all my fears, I want to go. I want to be Jesus' hands and feet in whatever capacity He would have for me.
Take me there, Jesus.
-Elisa.
This year seems like such a waste right now because I am not doing anything. I find myself wondering whether or not I should even be in this program and taking these classes because I cannot see any purpose to it right now. Of course there is the purpose of finding a job after I graduate in April, but there has to be a larger reason for this time of training. I am frustrated because I want to be out on adventures and conquering the world for Christ, instead of wading through pages of legal cases about ruptured spleens and soft tissue damage. I love what I am learning but I want practical, hands-on application for it. I want to be out saving the world, not sitting behind a desk.
I find myself longingly studying applications for internships with International Justice Missions and the A21 Campaign instead of wanting to work on homework. I don't even know if God has an internship overseas in His plans for me, but I hope and pray that He does. I read stories of girls being trafficked for prostitution and my heart breaks and the only thing that I can think is "Take me there, God. Just take me there so I can hold them and help them and heal them somehow! Let me be Jesus to them."
Following quickly on the heels of those prayers, though, are the ever-present thoughts that I am not strong enough to go overseas, I am not knowledgeable enough of international legal processes, I am not called to go and my pride is just telling me to go. The list is a long one and it makes me doubt this passion in my heart for justice to be done and for these girls to be freed to know what love is. Who am I to go on a mission such as this? But despite all my fears, I want to go. I want to be Jesus' hands and feet in whatever capacity He would have for me.
Take me there, Jesus.
-Elisa.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Daylight, Save Me.
I am having trouble analyzing what I am feeling lately so I have avoided writing because I don't want to ramble and leave everyone else confused, as well. However, I find myself at a point right now where I cannot figure out what is going on by myself.
I am confused, hurt, desperate.
I am lost and wishing someone would stop by the roadside and be the good Samaritan.
I am stuck at this dead end in my head, staring at the crossroads and not knowing which way would be the best to venture down.
I am struggling to have faith.
I am struggling with truly knowing that God is good.
I am having trouble being honest with myself.
I am having trouble being honest with others.
I am struggling with trusting myself and knowing whether or not I should trust myself.
If I can't trust myself, I am not sure how I can trust others.
I am waiting for someone to see the cracking veneer and pick up the pieces for me.
I know that no one will do that.
I have an intense longing to be more than I am right now, but I am can't comprehend that I have the freedom to be more in this instant.
Every day is an intense struggle just to keep going, hoping that someday it will be better.
I just want to let go.
"Daylight" by Brave Saint Saturn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_u7UqY8K88
"Did you hear the news today?
I'm not coming home, no
And I wished it all away
I felt so alone
and the darkness crept its way
like stars we know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here in the shadows of eclipsing moons
Crawling on a tightrope,
the bravest thing I have is hope
Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, tonight
Halogen, the lights will flicker
Incadescent burning lies
and the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies, aching for a spark,
trembling in pitchest dark
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria.
U.S.S. Gloria: Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, do you read me?
Mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions.
News Reporter: The crew is now out of radio contact. Presently there is no way for us to know whether they are alive or dead. Our hopes and prayers go out with you all.
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
U.S.S. Gloria: Houston, this is the U.S.S. Gloria.
Good to hear your voice. We are coming out of the eclipse now. I see the sunlight. It's beautiful, the sunlight is beautiful.
Jesus Christ, Light of the World
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness, You held me
Still held me
When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone
Your words are life
cut marrow through the darkness, to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me
Savior
Daylight
I am coming home
Home! Home! Home! Home."
-Elisa.
I am confused, hurt, desperate.
I am lost and wishing someone would stop by the roadside and be the good Samaritan.
I am stuck at this dead end in my head, staring at the crossroads and not knowing which way would be the best to venture down.
I am struggling to have faith.
I am struggling with truly knowing that God is good.
I am having trouble being honest with myself.
I am having trouble being honest with others.
I am struggling with trusting myself and knowing whether or not I should trust myself.
If I can't trust myself, I am not sure how I can trust others.
I am waiting for someone to see the cracking veneer and pick up the pieces for me.
I know that no one will do that.
I have an intense longing to be more than I am right now, but I am can't comprehend that I have the freedom to be more in this instant.
Every day is an intense struggle just to keep going, hoping that someday it will be better.
I just want to let go.
"Daylight" by Brave Saint Saturn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_u7UqY8K88
"Did you hear the news today?
I'm not coming home, no
And I wished it all away
I felt so alone
and the darkness crept its way
like stars we know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here in the shadows of eclipsing moons
Crawling on a tightrope,
the bravest thing I have is hope
Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, tonight
Halogen, the lights will flicker
Incadescent burning lies
and the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies, aching for a spark,
trembling in pitchest dark
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria.
U.S.S. Gloria: Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, do you read me?
Mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions.
News Reporter: The crew is now out of radio contact. Presently there is no way for us to know whether they are alive or dead. Our hopes and prayers go out with you all.
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
U.S.S. Gloria: Houston, this is the U.S.S. Gloria.
Good to hear your voice. We are coming out of the eclipse now. I see the sunlight. It's beautiful, the sunlight is beautiful.
Jesus Christ, Light of the World
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness, You held me
Still held me
When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone
Your words are life
cut marrow through the darkness, to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me
Savior
Daylight
I am coming home
Home! Home! Home! Home."
-Elisa.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Beloved
Jesus has been reminding me lately that I am His beloved, and that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light. I have been driven to my knees so often in the past few days just so I can inhale the next breath and keep walking forward. I have fallen on my face in anguish more often than I would like to admit. I have been broken and totally vulnerable in front of more people than I would like to count. I am raw and in a million pieces. But God brings peace to my heart and reminds me of His love, grace, and that this world is not my home. He reminds me that He has greater plans for me than these moments and months of pain. When I cry out to Him and ask Him how much longer this will last, He simply says, "Possibly every night for the next year. But do you trust Me? Do you trust Me, Elisa?" Oh me of little faith.
I have been praying in the last few days that Jesus would call me by name. That He would He would simply say, "Elisa." How do I describe the yearning that I have for the Lover of my soul to call me by name in the same way that He called to Mary Magdalene in the garden after He rose from the grave? How do I describe the longing for that intimate acknowledgment that I am His and all He must do is say my name for me to recognize Him for who He is? I want to breathe His name and feel His peace and love flood my soul with light. I want to love Him, and I want to love Him well. I want to take my over-abundance of love that others have rejected and pour it onto His feet, like a broken alabastar jar of perfume that Mary Magdalene washed His feet with. I want to Him to flood my being and be my centre of gravity that I revolve around. I want Jesus to be my everything, my all, my reason for being. I am so scared, as well, because I know that I will fail my Jesus, my Saviour. But He took care of those failings already and so I want to fling myself onto His grace, knowing that He wants to remove my shortcomings and sins. I want to be free to dance with my Jesus and serenade Him with love songs. I want to regain the passion that I have lost or misplaced.
This weekend was such a mixture of emotions and thoughts. My heart was overflowing with joy for Heather as she walked down the aisle to her Chad. The very next moment, my heart was breaking again for the dreams that I have lost this summer. I laughed so hard this weekend that my abs still hurt; I cried so much that I have no tears left to shed. There was the beginning of a new life together for Chad and Heather and the ending of some dreams and hopes that I held tightly in my fists. And God ordained it all. He planned every step of these intertwining paths, knowing exactly the emotions, thoughts, and prayers that would go into every part of this weekend. He perfectly juxtaposed everything and provided me with my Prairie friends to pick me up when I fell. He filled me with the love that I had been missing so desperately and showed me again what a community is.
Maybe God allowed me to fall in love with someone on earth to show me how much greater it is to fall in love with Jesus. Once upon a time when I was sixteen, I talked with a friend about how I needed to let go of certain dreams that I held onto much too tightly. God was trying to pry back my stubborn fingers and I refused to let go, but He was also bringing me to a moment of surrender. My friend told me, "You can't give up all of your dreams because then you'll be left with nothing." My response was, "How can I be left with nothing when I am letting go of my dreams and following God's plans?" I am still learning this lesson and I am certain that I will be for many more years. I do not surrender my dreams easily, even when God asks me to let go. The last dream that I refused to let surrender, He wrenched from my grasp in such a way that it shook my entire world. God truly left me with nothing except Himself, and He has been bringing everything back to Him this summer. When God shook my world, I was physically dizzy for about a week because I had removed God from being my centre of gravity and then God had removed my replacement centre of gravity. And, through a friend, God told me that He is a jealous God and He will not tolerate being second. So I struggle to put Him first. I fail daily. But "therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ." (Romans 8:1) Hallelujah.
So Jesus and I will journey onward into the pain, the healing, and the light.
"Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP9pftLiVRA
Love of my life,
look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life,
lust and the lies,
the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life,
look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah now
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride?
You will drink of my lips
And taste new life
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me
You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
-Elisa.
I have been praying in the last few days that Jesus would call me by name. That He would He would simply say, "Elisa." How do I describe the yearning that I have for the Lover of my soul to call me by name in the same way that He called to Mary Magdalene in the garden after He rose from the grave? How do I describe the longing for that intimate acknowledgment that I am His and all He must do is say my name for me to recognize Him for who He is? I want to breathe His name and feel His peace and love flood my soul with light. I want to love Him, and I want to love Him well. I want to take my over-abundance of love that others have rejected and pour it onto His feet, like a broken alabastar jar of perfume that Mary Magdalene washed His feet with. I want to Him to flood my being and be my centre of gravity that I revolve around. I want Jesus to be my everything, my all, my reason for being. I am so scared, as well, because I know that I will fail my Jesus, my Saviour. But He took care of those failings already and so I want to fling myself onto His grace, knowing that He wants to remove my shortcomings and sins. I want to be free to dance with my Jesus and serenade Him with love songs. I want to regain the passion that I have lost or misplaced.
This weekend was such a mixture of emotions and thoughts. My heart was overflowing with joy for Heather as she walked down the aisle to her Chad. The very next moment, my heart was breaking again for the dreams that I have lost this summer. I laughed so hard this weekend that my abs still hurt; I cried so much that I have no tears left to shed. There was the beginning of a new life together for Chad and Heather and the ending of some dreams and hopes that I held tightly in my fists. And God ordained it all. He planned every step of these intertwining paths, knowing exactly the emotions, thoughts, and prayers that would go into every part of this weekend. He perfectly juxtaposed everything and provided me with my Prairie friends to pick me up when I fell. He filled me with the love that I had been missing so desperately and showed me again what a community is.
Maybe God allowed me to fall in love with someone on earth to show me how much greater it is to fall in love with Jesus. Once upon a time when I was sixteen, I talked with a friend about how I needed to let go of certain dreams that I held onto much too tightly. God was trying to pry back my stubborn fingers and I refused to let go, but He was also bringing me to a moment of surrender. My friend told me, "You can't give up all of your dreams because then you'll be left with nothing." My response was, "How can I be left with nothing when I am letting go of my dreams and following God's plans?" I am still learning this lesson and I am certain that I will be for many more years. I do not surrender my dreams easily, even when God asks me to let go. The last dream that I refused to let surrender, He wrenched from my grasp in such a way that it shook my entire world. God truly left me with nothing except Himself, and He has been bringing everything back to Him this summer. When God shook my world, I was physically dizzy for about a week because I had removed God from being my centre of gravity and then God had removed my replacement centre of gravity. And, through a friend, God told me that He is a jealous God and He will not tolerate being second. So I struggle to put Him first. I fail daily. But "therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ." (Romans 8:1) Hallelujah.
So Jesus and I will journey onward into the pain, the healing, and the light.
"Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP9pftLiVRA
Love of my life,
look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life,
lust and the lies,
the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life,
look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah now
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride?
You will drink of my lips
And taste new life
You're my beloved
Lover, I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me
You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
-Elisa.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Anberlin Makes Everything Better
"(The Symphony of) Blasé" by Anberlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-uHZhlbxaM
"Are there no shadows where you are?
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside (You're pushing me aside)
Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside
I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
something isn't right
something isn't right
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends
Are you so naive to right and wrong
How could you watch innocence forgone
Does what we've done ever really belong?
It wasted me away (I feel so wasted away)
God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away (You're wasting me away)
You're wasting me away
I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
something isn't right
something isn't right
This is our last (This is our last)
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends"
This song has been stuck in my head for the last few days. I've been thinking a lot about why relationships end, but I don't have any real answers. God must have a purpose, but I cannot see what it is right now. So I wait.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-uHZhlbxaM
"Are there no shadows where you are?
I can see everything as day
Problems that you try to hide away
Pushing me aside (You're pushing me aside)
Could the winter calm come twice?
Because your heart seems so cold tonight
Thirst for substance somehow isn't right
It's killing me inside (It's killing you inside)
Killing me inside
I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
something isn't right
something isn't right
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends
Are you so naive to right and wrong
How could you watch innocence forgone
Does what we've done ever really belong?
It wasted me away (I feel so wasted away)
God if you can hear me out alright
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away (You're wasting me away)
You're wasting me away
I don't wanna be where you are
I don't wanna be here even now
I don't wanna be by your side
something isn't right
something isn't right
This is our last (This is our last)
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been
This is our last goodnight
Say what you will
Say all that you can
This is our last goodbye
This is where love ends"
This song has been stuck in my head for the last few days. I've been thinking a lot about why relationships end, but I don't have any real answers. God must have a purpose, but I cannot see what it is right now. So I wait.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
As It Stands Now
Time seems to have really gotten away from me in the past month. I feel as though I have been running in overdrive ever since the beginning of July and everything is speeding towards September. The only question that I really have is: am I ready?
So, let me re-cap the last month or so in a few paragraphs that will probably be disorganized and rambling.
I have learned a lot about myself this summer but, more importantly, I have learned about God a lot this summer. He has proved his faithfulness to me in countless ways, but I have not always been paying attention. Lately I have been incredibly distracted with moving back to Edmonton and it's been hard to focus on enjoying the moments that God has given to me today. I feel in my heart and soul a deep yearning to be quenched with knowledge of God and to revel in the promises that he has given me, but I am afraid to stop running away. I am struggling with being obedient, and it is causing my soul to ache with thirst and making my mind unguarded because of weariness.
I am learning that God is always faithful to me, regardless of my feelings. I am learning that my faith is not the central, defining factor to who I am. Instead, the object of my faith (Jesus Christ) is central to my life. My ability to have faith is not going to win me any prizes or get me to heaven. Rather, it is Christ's redemptive work on the cross that allows me access to heaven and that is granted to me by God's grace. The prayer of the father from Mark 9 has stuck with me in the past weeks. "I believe; help my unbelief." He believed that Jesus could heal his son, but he still had doubts. I am trying to understand that Jesus wants to remove my doubts. So often I have viewed him as a far-off God who does not care about my struggles, but this is not true. He does want me to succeed.
In the last two weeks, sadness and loneliness have become the two ever-present emotions that shadow every day. This place is familiar to me, because it defined most of grades 8 through 11. But I am tired of gazing at the same scenery and only seeing grey. In grade 11 or 12, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and creating my dream future. In the middle of this daydream, God cleared it away and replaced it with what he as for me. All I could see was sunlight pouring into a room and I could hear children laughing. Last week, I was really struggling with the inevitable return to Edmonton and the bleakness that I feel whenever I consider the next few years of my life. God reminded me of that dream he gave me and of the words he has been speaking over and over this summer: "I have more for you than this."
I realize that these thoughts are not very coherent, but I am tired and needed to just get things off of my chest/mind. My biggest prayer lately has been for freedom. Freedom, peace, and unshakeable joy. I feel as though I am holding onto God with only a few fingers from one hand and those are slipping too.
The last month is definitely taking its toll. I am rather tired of life.
-Elisa.
So, let me re-cap the last month or so in a few paragraphs that will probably be disorganized and rambling.
I have learned a lot about myself this summer but, more importantly, I have learned about God a lot this summer. He has proved his faithfulness to me in countless ways, but I have not always been paying attention. Lately I have been incredibly distracted with moving back to Edmonton and it's been hard to focus on enjoying the moments that God has given to me today. I feel in my heart and soul a deep yearning to be quenched with knowledge of God and to revel in the promises that he has given me, but I am afraid to stop running away. I am struggling with being obedient, and it is causing my soul to ache with thirst and making my mind unguarded because of weariness.
I am learning that God is always faithful to me, regardless of my feelings. I am learning that my faith is not the central, defining factor to who I am. Instead, the object of my faith (Jesus Christ) is central to my life. My ability to have faith is not going to win me any prizes or get me to heaven. Rather, it is Christ's redemptive work on the cross that allows me access to heaven and that is granted to me by God's grace. The prayer of the father from Mark 9 has stuck with me in the past weeks. "I believe; help my unbelief." He believed that Jesus could heal his son, but he still had doubts. I am trying to understand that Jesus wants to remove my doubts. So often I have viewed him as a far-off God who does not care about my struggles, but this is not true. He does want me to succeed.
In the last two weeks, sadness and loneliness have become the two ever-present emotions that shadow every day. This place is familiar to me, because it defined most of grades 8 through 11. But I am tired of gazing at the same scenery and only seeing grey. In grade 11 or 12, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and creating my dream future. In the middle of this daydream, God cleared it away and replaced it with what he as for me. All I could see was sunlight pouring into a room and I could hear children laughing. Last week, I was really struggling with the inevitable return to Edmonton and the bleakness that I feel whenever I consider the next few years of my life. God reminded me of that dream he gave me and of the words he has been speaking over and over this summer: "I have more for you than this."
I realize that these thoughts are not very coherent, but I am tired and needed to just get things off of my chest/mind. My biggest prayer lately has been for freedom. Freedom, peace, and unshakeable joy. I feel as though I am holding onto God with only a few fingers from one hand and those are slipping too.
The last month is definitely taking its toll. I am rather tired of life.
-Elisa.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Erm...Poetry?
Time is my swift ship,
bearing me away from battle-weary shores
and setting me adrift in storm-ridden waters
My mast has broken
and my sails are torn
I am directionless in this ocean
Yet even as the cabin floods
from the tempest's tossing,
I see the promise written in the sky
All will be still again
bearing me away from battle-weary shores
and setting me adrift in storm-ridden waters
My mast has broken
and my sails are torn
I am directionless in this ocean
Yet even as the cabin floods
from the tempest's tossing,
I see the promise written in the sky
All will be still again
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wants...
I wrote this over two years ago, and I just found it again the other day in my Facebook notes.
I want to be a princess. Loved, cherished, and precious to one prince.
I want to be strong enough for friends to lean on me and wise enough to know what to say when they need advice.
I want to become a woman of God and not doubt my intentions. I want to trust in something safe and secure, and not break every time someone hurts me.
I want to be unselfish and not wish for someone to let me just cry and be upset. I want someone to listen instead of always being the one who is listening.
I want to not complain.
I want God to make good on the promise to comfort me and to give me the desires of my heart.
I want my time to be now, and I wish I knew what that time was. I want to start a revolution that can't be stopped. I want to be wholly devoted to God and run with Him, completely free. I want to see His majesty on its grandest scale and fall down in awe of Him.
I want to meet my Grandma Reid and see if I am really like her, like people say I am.
I want to know how deja vu works and how God is so incredible.
I want to be wise and intellectual at the same time.
I want to face the future with my arms open wide and fall into my future, completely ready.
I want to not ache when I see beauty and not be homesick for Heaven just about everyday. I want to be Home. I want to be whole. I want to be able to let go of past hurts and be able to forgive without curling up into my little ball of self-indulgent anger and hurt first. I want to not be so lonely all the time and be able to find my peace in God. I want to cling to His promises without doubting them and I want to take back the hurtful things that I've said. I want to not regret and I want to be able to trust someone with my heart.
I want life to be as simplistic as the joy I find in the sunrise. I want to be a simple girl who finds joy in common things. I want to live an uncommon, rare life.
I want someone to find me precious.
I want to understand.
I want to be extraordinary, excellent, passionate, caring, holy, Christ-like. I want to be able to pray and move mountains.
I want to love Jesus without limits and pour His love over my world.
"There is no condition of the human heart that Jesus Christ can't heal..." --Linda Nichols, At the Scent of Water
I want to be a princess. Loved, cherished, and precious to one prince.
I want to be strong enough for friends to lean on me and wise enough to know what to say when they need advice.
I want to become a woman of God and not doubt my intentions. I want to trust in something safe and secure, and not break every time someone hurts me.
I want to be unselfish and not wish for someone to let me just cry and be upset. I want someone to listen instead of always being the one who is listening.
I want to not complain.
I want God to make good on the promise to comfort me and to give me the desires of my heart.
I want my time to be now, and I wish I knew what that time was. I want to start a revolution that can't be stopped. I want to be wholly devoted to God and run with Him, completely free. I want to see His majesty on its grandest scale and fall down in awe of Him.
I want to meet my Grandma Reid and see if I am really like her, like people say I am.
I want to know how deja vu works and how God is so incredible.
I want to be wise and intellectual at the same time.
I want to face the future with my arms open wide and fall into my future, completely ready.
I want to not ache when I see beauty and not be homesick for Heaven just about everyday. I want to be Home. I want to be whole. I want to be able to let go of past hurts and be able to forgive without curling up into my little ball of self-indulgent anger and hurt first. I want to not be so lonely all the time and be able to find my peace in God. I want to cling to His promises without doubting them and I want to take back the hurtful things that I've said. I want to not regret and I want to be able to trust someone with my heart.
I want life to be as simplistic as the joy I find in the sunrise. I want to be a simple girl who finds joy in common things. I want to live an uncommon, rare life.
I want someone to find me precious.
I want to understand.
I want to be extraordinary, excellent, passionate, caring, holy, Christ-like. I want to be able to pray and move mountains.
I want to love Jesus without limits and pour His love over my world.
"There is no condition of the human heart that Jesus Christ can't heal..." --Linda Nichols, At the Scent of Water
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tumbling Thoughts
Well, I haven't posted anything for a little while. I find myself rather exhausted after work and I don't want to do anything except read a book and then go to bed. The topic/theme that has been tossing around my head for the past week is forgiveness.
How do I forgive someone when I really don't want to? What does true forgiveness look like and how would it play out in my life? I have discovered that I cannot forgive people on my own because I have neither the capacity nor the grace to do so. But Jesus has an abundance of grace, and I am asking Him to show me how to forgive and to do it through me and for me. I am still discovering what this is going to look like in my life.
God has also been asking me to follow Him willingly, without grumbling, wherever He wants me to go. I have been fretting about where I am to go after I am done school in April and dreaming of working somewhere exciting and new, where I can forget life and become anonymous. But I sense God asking me to slow down and just follow Him one step at a time. And that step in September will lead me back to Edmonton and I need to go back obediently, not begrudging the fact that He is placing me back there for a second year. He knows where He is taking me and I need to follow faithfully. Somehow.
Finally, a song that has been stuck in my head for the past three days is "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. I am not sure if I have shared it before, but it's still an amazing song. Go listen to it!
"Before the Morning"--Josh Wilson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qG1ThtgguE
"Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see
Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah
Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning"
-Elisa.
How do I forgive someone when I really don't want to? What does true forgiveness look like and how would it play out in my life? I have discovered that I cannot forgive people on my own because I have neither the capacity nor the grace to do so. But Jesus has an abundance of grace, and I am asking Him to show me how to forgive and to do it through me and for me. I am still discovering what this is going to look like in my life.
God has also been asking me to follow Him willingly, without grumbling, wherever He wants me to go. I have been fretting about where I am to go after I am done school in April and dreaming of working somewhere exciting and new, where I can forget life and become anonymous. But I sense God asking me to slow down and just follow Him one step at a time. And that step in September will lead me back to Edmonton and I need to go back obediently, not begrudging the fact that He is placing me back there for a second year. He knows where He is taking me and I need to follow faithfully. Somehow.
Finally, a song that has been stuck in my head for the past three days is "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. I am not sure if I have shared it before, but it's still an amazing song. Go listen to it!
"Before the Morning"--Josh Wilson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qG1ThtgguE
"Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see
Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah
Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning"
-Elisa.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Literally the "Best Wedding EVER!"
A recurring theme in my journey with God lately has been His love for me as His bride. I have a lot of friends getting married in the next year or so (about 28 couples are now engaged!) and I have found myself becoming jealous that they are all planning their dream weddings and counting down the days to moment when they walk down the aisle and join their life with the man of their dreams. I am really far from that point of my life, but God's been showing me that I am always a bride. I am a bride today, and I have the biggest, best, most extravagant wedding to look forward to ever! I have the best wedding dress to wear ever! I can have that breathless anticipation today of the moment when I will see my groom face-to-face finally and He walks me down the aisle of heaven and places me before His Father. Someday Jesus is going to return and He is going to place on me His righteousness and holiness. And I will be able to stand before God and become one with Jesus, because I am hidden in Him already. It's so amazing because He extends this crazy, head-over-heels love to everyone. He pursues the ones He loves and He will not rest until His arms around us and we are no longer fighting to leave the safety of His embrace.
Maybe it's easier for girls to anticipate this sort of love than it is for guys, but I think it is something that more guys need to embrace. Men do not always have to be the conquerors, the chasers, the fixers. Jesus wants men, too, in all their manliness and need for conquest, adventure, usefulness, and everything else.
A song that moves me to tears lately is "More Than Ashes" by Tim Reimherr. He sings about this sort of love that Jesus has for us and who we are to Jesus. We are His rose, His lily, the one who can capture His heart with one glance from our eyes. Go take a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHt7wdPGOTc
"I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me
I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You
My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty
There’s gonna be a wedding,
It’s the reason that I’m living, to marry the Lamb
I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me"
-Elisa.
Maybe it's easier for girls to anticipate this sort of love than it is for guys, but I think it is something that more guys need to embrace. Men do not always have to be the conquerors, the chasers, the fixers. Jesus wants men, too, in all their manliness and need for conquest, adventure, usefulness, and everything else.
A song that moves me to tears lately is "More Than Ashes" by Tim Reimherr. He sings about this sort of love that Jesus has for us and who we are to Jesus. We are His rose, His lily, the one who can capture His heart with one glance from our eyes. Go take a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHt7wdPGOTc
"I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me
I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You
My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me
I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty
There’s gonna be a wedding,
It’s the reason that I’m living, to marry the Lamb
I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me"
-Elisa.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Changing the World
When I was younger, I dreamt of being a famous actress and using my "star power" to change the world for the better. (Riiiight, like that's going to happen.) While I do not want to be an actress or any form of celebrity anymore, I still often think about "changing the world." What does that really mean, though?
Today while I was mowing my aunt's lawn, I realized that every single person changes the world simply by being born. (Oh so profound! Haha.) But, really, the fact that God spoke me into existence and ordained all of my days changes the world and eternity. But this isn't anything new to God, because He is the One who orchestrated everything since time immemorial.
So, now the question isn't "Will I change the world?" but "How greatly can I change the world with the time I am given and how?" Do I want to be remembered as someone who lived solely for myself? Or do I want to be remembered as someone who loved Jesus without limits and, therefore, loved everyone around me in a limitless way? I am instructed in God's Word that I am to love Jesus, and love others. I believe that love can change the world.
Here's one of my absolute favorite passages of Scripture.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13
And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gonge or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. And now these three reamin: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
That passage sends tingles through my spine and fills my heart with hope! It also makes me realize just how horribe I am at loving people. How often have I held a grudge or put my needs before those of someone else who is hurting more than I am? How often have I spoken something out of self-righteousness, instead of selfless love? If I loved in the way this passage describes love, then I would undoubtedly change the world. Love like this can destroy fear, ease hurt, and conquer poverty. It changes people. It transforms them.
But I think that I can only really love someone in this way if I am being continually broken by God. I have to realize that I cannot love people like this on my own. The only way that I could ever love someone without limits is if I were acting as a conduit of Jesus' love. I am human and totally messed up, but Jesus is perfect and He wants to use me to change the world and love His beloved. It amazes me that He would want to use a wretch like me to carry out His mission and purpose. But really, that's the only reason that I am here. My purpose is not to change the world for myself so that I get a nice eulogy, epitaph, and obituary. Who cares? My purpose is to love the lost and show them the limitless love of Jesus. Love that holds no record of wrongs, puts others first, and is endlessly patient.
Oi, I am so far from perfection...but praise God for His grace!!! So, I am going to leave you something that a friend of mine prayed at a girls' small group meeting that I went to the night before I moved home from Edmonton.
"And may God never ever let anyone make these [people] believe that they cannot change the world."
-Elisa.
Today while I was mowing my aunt's lawn, I realized that every single person changes the world simply by being born. (Oh so profound! Haha.) But, really, the fact that God spoke me into existence and ordained all of my days changes the world and eternity. But this isn't anything new to God, because He is the One who orchestrated everything since time immemorial.
So, now the question isn't "Will I change the world?" but "How greatly can I change the world with the time I am given and how?" Do I want to be remembered as someone who lived solely for myself? Or do I want to be remembered as someone who loved Jesus without limits and, therefore, loved everyone around me in a limitless way? I am instructed in God's Word that I am to love Jesus, and love others. I believe that love can change the world.
Here's one of my absolute favorite passages of Scripture.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13
And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gonge or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. And now these three reamin: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
That passage sends tingles through my spine and fills my heart with hope! It also makes me realize just how horribe I am at loving people. How often have I held a grudge or put my needs before those of someone else who is hurting more than I am? How often have I spoken something out of self-righteousness, instead of selfless love? If I loved in the way this passage describes love, then I would undoubtedly change the world. Love like this can destroy fear, ease hurt, and conquer poverty. It changes people. It transforms them.
But I think that I can only really love someone in this way if I am being continually broken by God. I have to realize that I cannot love people like this on my own. The only way that I could ever love someone without limits is if I were acting as a conduit of Jesus' love. I am human and totally messed up, but Jesus is perfect and He wants to use me to change the world and love His beloved. It amazes me that He would want to use a wretch like me to carry out His mission and purpose. But really, that's the only reason that I am here. My purpose is not to change the world for myself so that I get a nice eulogy, epitaph, and obituary. Who cares? My purpose is to love the lost and show them the limitless love of Jesus. Love that holds no record of wrongs, puts others first, and is endlessly patient.
Oi, I am so far from perfection...but praise God for His grace!!! So, I am going to leave you something that a friend of mine prayed at a girls' small group meeting that I went to the night before I moved home from Edmonton.
"And may God never ever let anyone make these [people] believe that they cannot change the world."
-Elisa.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Waves
Wow, so it's been a little while since the pain has hurt so badly that I can't breathe, but it just took my breath away. And nothing really triggered it...it just sort of appeared out of nowhere. I think I keep trying to run from it. It's weird because I run away from it by talking about facing the pain. Ha. I just want to be okay again...
-Elisa.
-Elisa.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Work! Hoorah.
Well, I lost my entire last post because my internet decided to quit working. Awesome. So here's a brief recap of what the lost post said:
I have no job.
Well, that's kind of a lie. The lady from the Chamber of Commerce in Brooks decided against hiring me and the SPEC Association cancelled my interview because they filled the position. So that was discouraging. But I am currently working twice a week at Lynnae's parents' farm and also once a week for my aunt. I will be doing yardwork, painting, fencing, and whatever else needs to be done. My aunt also said that her sister may be interested in hiring me, as well as an elderly couple who need help with their yardwork. So, I could be pretty busy! I hope so. Unfortunately, this throws all plans for visiting friends (in Edmonton and beyond) up in the air because I may be working six days a week. This makes me rather sad, but we'll see how things go.
Also, I found out that I am eligible for two more scholarships! Hoorah! Free money = happy Elisa.
Anyways, I would love to share about a goldmine prayer that I stumbled upon in my Bible, but I really need to get to bed. So, I will have to defer that for now.
-Elisa.
I have no job.
Well, that's kind of a lie. The lady from the Chamber of Commerce in Brooks decided against hiring me and the SPEC Association cancelled my interview because they filled the position. So that was discouraging. But I am currently working twice a week at Lynnae's parents' farm and also once a week for my aunt. I will be doing yardwork, painting, fencing, and whatever else needs to be done. My aunt also said that her sister may be interested in hiring me, as well as an elderly couple who need help with their yardwork. So, I could be pretty busy! I hope so. Unfortunately, this throws all plans for visiting friends (in Edmonton and beyond) up in the air because I may be working six days a week. This makes me rather sad, but we'll see how things go.
Also, I found out that I am eligible for two more scholarships! Hoorah! Free money = happy Elisa.
Anyways, I would love to share about a goldmine prayer that I stumbled upon in my Bible, but I really need to get to bed. So, I will have to defer that for now.
-Elisa.
Friday, May 21, 2010
His
Isaiah 43:1-5
But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour... Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you..."
These words have been tumbling around in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Back in the beginning of April, a classmate sent me a Scripture reference for something in Isaiah 40 and I happened upon the above verses, as well. Two weeks ago, I came across them again when I was doing my daily (or unfortunately, my not-so-daily) Bible reading. This past Sunday in church, an elderly woman shared these verses with the congregation and explained how they have been a source of strength for her in the past two years since her husband died.
The promises in these words are incredible! God created me, He redeemed me from my sin and shame, and He calls me by name! I find it amazing that God calls me by name. There are however-many billion people on this earth and have been billions before me, but God knows MY name and He calls ME forth into His light and to walk in His ways. He promises me that He will walk with me and He won't let me be burnt, drowned, swept over, or be set ablaze. I am His!
God says that I am precious, honoured, and loved in His sight. That is amazing because He sees everything about me! He sees all of the things that I don't want anyone else to see and try to hide, yet He still loves me. I never have to worry about Him failing me in any way because He can't fail me. He is God and He is perfect! He can't fail. I am thankful for that.
-Elisa.
But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour... Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you..."
These words have been tumbling around in my heart and mind for the past few weeks. Back in the beginning of April, a classmate sent me a Scripture reference for something in Isaiah 40 and I happened upon the above verses, as well. Two weeks ago, I came across them again when I was doing my daily (or unfortunately, my not-so-daily) Bible reading. This past Sunday in church, an elderly woman shared these verses with the congregation and explained how they have been a source of strength for her in the past two years since her husband died.
The promises in these words are incredible! God created me, He redeemed me from my sin and shame, and He calls me by name! I find it amazing that God calls me by name. There are however-many billion people on this earth and have been billions before me, but God knows MY name and He calls ME forth into His light and to walk in His ways. He promises me that He will walk with me and He won't let me be burnt, drowned, swept over, or be set ablaze. I am His!
God says that I am precious, honoured, and loved in His sight. That is amazing because He sees everything about me! He sees all of the things that I don't want anyone else to see and try to hide, yet He still loves me. I never have to worry about Him failing me in any way because He can't fail me. He is God and He is perfect! He can't fail. I am thankful for that.
-Elisa.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Dragons! (now there's an attention-grabbing title...)
Currently, I am reading through The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis and I am on the fourth book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It has been said that Aslan, the great Lion, is a metaphor for Jesus. I have been keeping that in mind while I read and it is interesting to see how Lewis works his metaphor into every book and into every character, in some way. The most interesting passage to me is found in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and I stumbled upon it this evening so I thought I would share it with whomever is reading this. (Bear with me, as it's a fairly long passage.)
To provide some background, Eustace is the one speaking and he is explaining about how Aslan (whom he does not know about) has returned him to his human state, after being trapped as a dragon for several days. Eustace was a "beastly" boy and he complained about everything and everyone else, but he could do no wrong in his own eyes. He was made into a dragon because of his selfish and dragonish thoughts. So, onwards with the passage!
"So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden--trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
...The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me that I must undress first.
...I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. ...So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully... In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means that I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe. Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg...Then the lion said, 'You will have to let me undress you.'
...The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that mde me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.
...Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off--just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt--and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been."
After this, Aslan throws Eustace into the well so that he can bathe and he realizes that he is a boy again, instead of a dragon. Aslan gives Eustace new clothes to wear and returns him to his friends.
What I found interesting about this passage is how it mirrors what Christ does to/for believers. He peels back our "skin" of sin and makes us a new creation in Him. He calls himself "living water" and we are called to put off our old selves and be made new in Him. Honestly, though, I can't get rid of my sin by myself. I know how wretched and awful I am and those are on my good days. It is only through Jesus that I can actually be free from my sin and be made new, perfected in Him. I won't be perfect on this earth, but someday He will return and then I will be perfected for eternity. I long for that day.
Jesus is continually peeling back the layers of sin in my life and it hurts. It cuts to my heart, and it's hard to lie still and submit to the cleansing. But it has to be done if I want to be free from my dragon-heart and thoughts.
Anyways, those were just some thoughts that I had while I was reading. Have a lovely evening!
-Elisa.
To provide some background, Eustace is the one speaking and he is explaining about how Aslan (whom he does not know about) has returned him to his human state, after being trapped as a dragon for several days. Eustace was a "beastly" boy and he complained about everything and everyone else, but he could do no wrong in his own eyes. He was made into a dragon because of his selfish and dragonish thoughts. So, onwards with the passage!
"So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden--trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
...The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me that I must undress first.
...I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. ...So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully... In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means that I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe. Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg...Then the lion said, 'You will have to let me undress you.'
...The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that mde me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.
...Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off--just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt--and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been."
After this, Aslan throws Eustace into the well so that he can bathe and he realizes that he is a boy again, instead of a dragon. Aslan gives Eustace new clothes to wear and returns him to his friends.
What I found interesting about this passage is how it mirrors what Christ does to/for believers. He peels back our "skin" of sin and makes us a new creation in Him. He calls himself "living water" and we are called to put off our old selves and be made new in Him. Honestly, though, I can't get rid of my sin by myself. I know how wretched and awful I am and those are on my good days. It is only through Jesus that I can actually be free from my sin and be made new, perfected in Him. I won't be perfect on this earth, but someday He will return and then I will be perfected for eternity. I long for that day.
Jesus is continually peeling back the layers of sin in my life and it hurts. It cuts to my heart, and it's hard to lie still and submit to the cleansing. But it has to be done if I want to be free from my dragon-heart and thoughts.
Anyways, those were just some thoughts that I had while I was reading. Have a lovely evening!
-Elisa.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
A Starry Sky
I got sunburn today. It hurts a lot, which is probably not the best thing but it also means that summer is coming!!! Hooray, hoorah! Actually, summer is usually not my favorite because it means that there are mosquitoes and ridiculous amounts of heat, but I love summer nights. It's amazing to be able to sit out on the deck with a cup of tea and a light blanket, and just look at the stars. Just gaze at God's artwork and grandeur. I drove a friend home after we had an evening of catching up (awesome!) and I stayed outside after I parked my car. The sky was totally clear and there was just a gentle breeze, so I could hear the birds singing their last songs before going to bed, and I could hear the cows calling their calves to them for the night. And the sky was full of stars! Sometimes I can hardly believe that they are real! It was so beautiful and peaceful. It's amazing to think that the stars are only a fraction of what God can do and the grandeur that He can create.
Psalm 150
"Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and the lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord."
-Elisa.
Psalm 150
"Praise the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and the lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord."
-Elisa.
Monday, May 10, 2010
One Day at a Time
Well, it is another day. It was a rough weekend, and I am searching and only coming up with a lot of questions and no answers. I want to be done this season of life, and onto the hope/joy of the future. But I have to go through the valley to get to that point. I'm tired of seeing mountains on either side of me, blocking me view of the things on the other side and my destination. I don't have the energy to climb the mountains right now, but the road back has caved in. So...I guess I have to go onwards.
"One Day at a Time" by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
"One day at a time I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time, well, I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see You took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan You have for me, for me
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
One day at a time
One day at a time I will take these words You've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing You
One day at a time I will share this gift You've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
And all I know is that I see
How much my heart is longing to be cradled by Your side
Yeah, I'll give all I can
To one day soon be held by Your hand, by Your hand
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
In all these things I will press on, yeah
I'll be with You, I know it won't be long
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life"
"One Day at a Time" by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
"One day at a time I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time, well, I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see You took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan You have for me, for me
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
One day at a time
One day at a time I will take these words You've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing You
One day at a time I will share this gift You've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
And all I know is that I see
How much my heart is longing to be cradled by Your side
Yeah, I'll give all I can
To one day soon be held by Your hand, by Your hand
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
In all these things I will press on, yeah
I'll be with You, I know it won't be long
I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life
Well I've been burned out, broken, torn out, torn down
In ways I never knew I would
But I can feel Your fullness in my life"
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A Blue Day
My interview with the Chamber of Commerce went well and I will hear back from the manager sometime this week about whether or not I am hired. I hope I am! I will have a lot to learn and it will be challenging, but I like challenges.
I am very lonely today and missing my New Sarepta ladies. I am feeling the separation and loss a lot today.
-Elisa.
I am very lonely today and missing my New Sarepta ladies. I am feeling the separation and loss a lot today.
-Elisa.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A Good Day! Hoorah!
I have a job interview on Friday! Hoorah, praise God! I dropped my resume off at the Brooks and District Chamber of Commerce and the manager looked over it and immediately asked me to come in for an interview on Friday. Amazing!
I also saw a friend from high school/Bible school who I hadn't seen in a long time and it was great to be able to talk with her again and I am excited to be back in contact with her after an entire year of pseudo-conversation on Facebook. And I saw a woman from my church who has become one of my good friends this past year and is part of my "support group" who prays for me daily and gives me amazing hugs and advice whenever she sees me. It was a good day, and it was all because of God.
I have a few prayer requests:
-that my interview will go well on Friday (and praise that I have an interview!)
-that I will stop having such vivid dreams every night (this entire week I've been dreaming again so I wake up exhausted and sad)
-safety for my brother as he is with his school choir in Edmonton and driving home tomorrow
Thanks!
Here's a song that is purely piano and utterly beautiful. Enjoy!
Comptine d'un Autre Été from the movie "Amelie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBZPa-kLLCE
-Elisa.
I also saw a friend from high school/Bible school who I hadn't seen in a long time and it was great to be able to talk with her again and I am excited to be back in contact with her after an entire year of pseudo-conversation on Facebook. And I saw a woman from my church who has become one of my good friends this past year and is part of my "support group" who prays for me daily and gives me amazing hugs and advice whenever she sees me. It was a good day, and it was all because of God.
I have a few prayer requests:
-that my interview will go well on Friday (and praise that I have an interview!)
-that I will stop having such vivid dreams every night (this entire week I've been dreaming again so I wake up exhausted and sad)
-safety for my brother as he is with his school choir in Edmonton and driving home tomorrow
Thanks!
Here's a song that is purely piano and utterly beautiful. Enjoy!
Comptine d'un Autre Été from the movie "Amelie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBZPa-kLLCE
-Elisa.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I Believe In Love
Music helps me to hold onto hope. It is amazing to know that God directed someone that I will never meet to write the words that would touch my heart and bring me back to my place at His feet. He knows what I need to hear and He planned for someone else to write the words and the melody that would bring me comfort. The musician will never know, but God chose them to bring me peace and to bless my life with their gift. The following song is my heart in a nutshell lately. The first link is to a video of Alyssa Barlow explaining the inspiration for the song and it's a pretty cool clip.
"I Believe in Love" by BarlowGirl
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe."
That's what it comes down to right now: I believe, and God is faithful.
-Elisa.
"I Believe in Love" by BarlowGirl
"How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe."
That's what it comes down to right now: I believe, and God is faithful.
-Elisa.
Monday, May 3, 2010
A Battlefield
I am struggling to express myself right now or introduce my thoughts in a coherent manner, so I may as well just start off without any introduction.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She knew there was a threat coming, but she did not know the form that it would take, nor what manner in which it would arrive, nor when it would arrive. She only knew that the threat was alive and coming closer. In the first hours of that morning, she knew "when" had arrived because there was silence from the other side. Truly, the silence before the storm.
The hours that followed were filled with dread and panicked calls to command centres asking for help in whatever form was available. The other side had finally asked one simple request, which she knew meant the end. And she waited, unable to flee from the coming storm and hoping that something would happen to possibly avert disaster, but time sped her towards a darkness that she had prayed against for weeks.
She watched the darkness approach, unable to believe the enormity and reality of it. Every muscle in her body screamed for her to flee from this storm, but the darkness held her tight and she had nowhere to run. Her fists pounded at the darkness til she was exhausted, but it was unmoving and silent in the face of her pleas for mercy or more time.
And then the bomb fell, shattering the darkness and revealing the victims. In the brilliance of the blast, she could see the outcome and the carnage for an instant before clouds of smoke engulfed the vision and left her choking for breath. Flames ate her bones and sought to burn her heart, turning water droplets into steam before they could touch her and bring salvation or healing.
As the weeks passed, the flames were subdued but their presence remained, smoldering among the victims and occasionally grabbing at her heart again. They were still hungry, but now streams of water were flowing in to douse them and protect her vulnerability. But she couldn't see the one who provided these streams because the smoke obscured her vision. When it cleared momentarily, she could finally see the victims and, in those moments, she fell into the flames' grasps again.
The victims littered the area where the bomb had fallen, creating a battlefield where no war had been fought. Hopes, dreams, friends, family had all been lost in the blast and lay in pieces, surrounding her. Flames created a barrier between her and these victims, burning her every time she reached to put them back together. And so she wandered the battlefield, lost in the haze that made everything grey and fought to understand and to accept.
And the silence from the other side continued, changing only in its magnitude. It was everywhere and in everything, because the other side was gone. She could not find an enemy to fight or rail against; she was forced to accept the totality of what the bomb had done in her life and future. She was forced to accept.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologize for the incoherency and spelling or grammatical errors. I tend to write with my eyes closed and rarely edit things. It makes it more of a catharsis if I just let it come out "as is."
-Elisa.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She knew there was a threat coming, but she did not know the form that it would take, nor what manner in which it would arrive, nor when it would arrive. She only knew that the threat was alive and coming closer. In the first hours of that morning, she knew "when" had arrived because there was silence from the other side. Truly, the silence before the storm.
The hours that followed were filled with dread and panicked calls to command centres asking for help in whatever form was available. The other side had finally asked one simple request, which she knew meant the end. And she waited, unable to flee from the coming storm and hoping that something would happen to possibly avert disaster, but time sped her towards a darkness that she had prayed against for weeks.
She watched the darkness approach, unable to believe the enormity and reality of it. Every muscle in her body screamed for her to flee from this storm, but the darkness held her tight and she had nowhere to run. Her fists pounded at the darkness til she was exhausted, but it was unmoving and silent in the face of her pleas for mercy or more time.
And then the bomb fell, shattering the darkness and revealing the victims. In the brilliance of the blast, she could see the outcome and the carnage for an instant before clouds of smoke engulfed the vision and left her choking for breath. Flames ate her bones and sought to burn her heart, turning water droplets into steam before they could touch her and bring salvation or healing.
As the weeks passed, the flames were subdued but their presence remained, smoldering among the victims and occasionally grabbing at her heart again. They were still hungry, but now streams of water were flowing in to douse them and protect her vulnerability. But she couldn't see the one who provided these streams because the smoke obscured her vision. When it cleared momentarily, she could finally see the victims and, in those moments, she fell into the flames' grasps again.
The victims littered the area where the bomb had fallen, creating a battlefield where no war had been fought. Hopes, dreams, friends, family had all been lost in the blast and lay in pieces, surrounding her. Flames created a barrier between her and these victims, burning her every time she reached to put them back together. And so she wandered the battlefield, lost in the haze that made everything grey and fought to understand and to accept.
And the silence from the other side continued, changing only in its magnitude. It was everywhere and in everything, because the other side was gone. She could not find an enemy to fight or rail against; she was forced to accept the totality of what the bomb had done in her life and future. She was forced to accept.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologize for the incoherency and spelling or grammatical errors. I tend to write with my eyes closed and rarely edit things. It makes it more of a catharsis if I just let it come out "as is."
-Elisa.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Grace Greater Than Niagra Falls!
I had a pretty cool brainwave this morning while driving to church. Even though I am five hours away from some of my dearest friends in New Sarepta, I can praise the same God with them on Sunday mornings at the same time because we are all a part of the body of Christ and our God is everywhere, all the time! I am able to worship the God of all creation with my friends, no matter where we are because we are all in Him! I find that really amazing and an incredible blessing, especially when I am feeling lonely here in Gem.
I also had an answer to prayer this morning at church. While I was getting ready for church this morning, I told God that I hoped Changed (a worship team at my church) was playing and that they would play some of my favorite songs because it would be so encouraging. When I got to church and was walking in, I heard Changed playing and then for congregational singing they had chosen my absolute favorite song, Stuart Townend and Keith Getty's "In Christ Alone."
Pastor Barry preached on Ephesians 1:7-10 this morning and I wanted to share what I learned because I found it so refreshing and uplifting! Truly, God answers prayer and He knows what my heart needs.
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to use the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."
Barry pointed out that we are doubly Christ's because He created us and then He saved us again by sacrificing Himself for us. He bought us back from sin and death by giving up His life for us, which is redemption. Christ has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west, He has flung them from us and they no longer exist. Even though we will never fully get away from our sin because we are human, we can still rejoice in the fact that Jesus' blood covers our sin and we are saved. When God looks at me, He does not see my sin but sees instead the atoning blood of His Son on my life. That's really cool! And God pours grace upon grace upon grace onto our lives and His grace will never run dry! The Niagra Falls will run dry first. I found that to be such an eye-opening thought. I saw the Niagra Falls once as a child and it was overwhelming to think of all the water that flows over those falls. It has been flowing for years and will continue until God stops them up, yet God's grace is even more limitless than those falls! He is worthy of praise.
Anyways, I have some letters to write so I am going to leave a link to an amazing song and I hope that you're having a blessed day.
Jeremy Camp, "Healing Hand of God"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg
-Elisa.
I also had an answer to prayer this morning at church. While I was getting ready for church this morning, I told God that I hoped Changed (a worship team at my church) was playing and that they would play some of my favorite songs because it would be so encouraging. When I got to church and was walking in, I heard Changed playing and then for congregational singing they had chosen my absolute favorite song, Stuart Townend and Keith Getty's "In Christ Alone."
Pastor Barry preached on Ephesians 1:7-10 this morning and I wanted to share what I learned because I found it so refreshing and uplifting! Truly, God answers prayer and He knows what my heart needs.
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to use the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."
Barry pointed out that we are doubly Christ's because He created us and then He saved us again by sacrificing Himself for us. He bought us back from sin and death by giving up His life for us, which is redemption. Christ has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west, He has flung them from us and they no longer exist. Even though we will never fully get away from our sin because we are human, we can still rejoice in the fact that Jesus' blood covers our sin and we are saved. When God looks at me, He does not see my sin but sees instead the atoning blood of His Son on my life. That's really cool! And God pours grace upon grace upon grace onto our lives and His grace will never run dry! The Niagra Falls will run dry first. I found that to be such an eye-opening thought. I saw the Niagra Falls once as a child and it was overwhelming to think of all the water that flows over those falls. It has been flowing for years and will continue until God stops them up, yet God's grace is even more limitless than those falls! He is worthy of praise.
Anyways, I have some letters to write so I am going to leave a link to an amazing song and I hope that you're having a blessed day.
Jeremy Camp, "Healing Hand of God"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-aE7zQTeEg
-Elisa.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Hold My Heart
Kristyn posted a link and the lyrics to "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North in the comments area on yesterday's post and I am putting them here because this song is amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z52WaOr1-g
"How long must I pray, must I pray to you?
How long must I wait, must I wait for you?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You turn to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking tear?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
Hold my heart, could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart"
Today is one month. It feels like it's only been moments since it was ended, but it also feels like years since I have seen him.
-Elisa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z52WaOr1-g
"How long must I pray, must I pray to you?
How long must I wait, must I wait for you?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You turn to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me?
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking tear?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
won't You come close and hold my heart?
Hold my heart, could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart"
Today is one month. It feels like it's only been moments since it was ended, but it also feels like years since I have seen him.
-Elisa.
Friday, April 30, 2010
But He Is Faithful
Today I find myself internally ranting at God about suffering and why He allows it to occur. His plans are good, perfect, and ultimately for my benefit or the benefit of others, but why does He let me and my friends hurt along the way? Why does He allow broken hearts, broken dreams, lost loved ones, and all the rest? I don't understand the purpose of pain and I am tired of arguing with myself about why, if, when, how, and everything else! And, once again, I find myself falling into my habit of saying "but" statements. God is faithful, but I am in pain. God is good, but my heart is hurting. God's plans are perfect, but I am (fill in the blank).
And, once again, God is gently saying, "No, Elisa. Listen to me. Hear My heart and understand this. You are in pain, but I am faithful. Your heart is hurting, but I am good. You can't see the way forward, but I know the plans I have for you and they are perfect."
You see, this has more significance to me than just having the sentence switched around. I have only watched one Dr. Phil episode in my life and he was saying that the word "but" erases everything in the sentence before it. It negates what came before. So, when I am saying that God is faithful, but I am in pain, I am negating His faithfulness. I'm throwing it back into His face and, ultimately, saying, "Look what YOU did to me! You who are supposed to be faithful. Look at the pain!" Instead, I should be saying everything the other way around, because then I am saying that, even though my heart is hurting, God is faithful. And then my eyes are drawn to God's face, instead of having them focussed on the pain that is here right now.
God's face is beautiful. It is full of love, grace, and mercy. It is the face of the Father who loved His lost ones enough to send His Beloved to earth to win my heart back. It is the face of the Father who knows the pain that I am going through and allows it because He knows that I will be more beautiful and more in-tune with Him for it. I still don't understand suffering, but right now I am okay with that, because I trust in Him to bring me through it and someday I may know why.
Check out this awesome song called "My Savior My God" by Aaron Shust. It's pretty wonderful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb8IpU7asRA
-Elisa.
And, once again, God is gently saying, "No, Elisa. Listen to me. Hear My heart and understand this. You are in pain, but I am faithful. Your heart is hurting, but I am good. You can't see the way forward, but I know the plans I have for you and they are perfect."
You see, this has more significance to me than just having the sentence switched around. I have only watched one Dr. Phil episode in my life and he was saying that the word "but" erases everything in the sentence before it. It negates what came before. So, when I am saying that God is faithful, but I am in pain, I am negating His faithfulness. I'm throwing it back into His face and, ultimately, saying, "Look what YOU did to me! You who are supposed to be faithful. Look at the pain!" Instead, I should be saying everything the other way around, because then I am saying that, even though my heart is hurting, God is faithful. And then my eyes are drawn to God's face, instead of having them focussed on the pain that is here right now.
God's face is beautiful. It is full of love, grace, and mercy. It is the face of the Father who loved His lost ones enough to send His Beloved to earth to win my heart back. It is the face of the Father who knows the pain that I am going through and allows it because He knows that I will be more beautiful and more in-tune with Him for it. I still don't understand suffering, but right now I am okay with that, because I trust in Him to bring me through it and someday I may know why.
Check out this awesome song called "My Savior My God" by Aaron Shust. It's pretty wonderful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb8IpU7asRA
-Elisa.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Blessings
Ever since Richard told me on Sunday what God had said to him about God blessing me in ways greater than Richard could even imagine, I have been curious about these blessings. What are they? When do I start looking for them? I realized the other night, though, that God doesn't want me to just wait around for Him to start pouring blessings onto my life. Rather, I am to walk in His will and glorify Him. And, through committing my life to Him and submitting to His will, then I will be blessed simply through those actions.
Maybe God will bless me in the way that I hope He will, but He might not. However, if I am in His will and submitting to Him, then I think that I will accept His blessings no matter what form they take and be thankful for them. I have to choose to view things as blessings, no matter how small they end up being. And then those "small" blessings will become huge because they are from God and the fact that He wants to bless me in the first place is amazing, awe-inspiring, and HUGE!
-Elisa.
Maybe God will bless me in the way that I hope He will, but He might not. However, if I am in His will and submitting to Him, then I think that I will accept His blessings no matter what form they take and be thankful for them. I have to choose to view things as blessings, no matter how small they end up being. And then those "small" blessings will become huge because they are from God and the fact that He wants to bless me in the first place is amazing, awe-inspiring, and HUGE!
-Elisa.
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Most Beautiful Romance
Two posts in one day! Wow.
I found this song on my friend Alex's wedding site and it wowed me. It is such a huge promise!
"Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUykqETc0XQ
"Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you,
throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for"
Love is worth fighting for and Jesus proved this when He, the greatest Lover of all, took my sins to the cross and died for me so that I could have eternal life. He is my shelter, my peace, and He is not going to let me leave the safety of His arms. He fought for me and will continue to fight for my heart. How utterly romantic and wonderful!
God is love. Jesus is God with us. Jesus is love with us! In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we have the promise of what Jesus' love consists.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!"
I don't know about you, but this love sends tingles down my spine and it makes me breathless. I am in awe of the great God who would send His beloved Son to save ME because of this love. What mercy, what grace! He is worthy of praise. And He calls me to share love like this with the world. That is a huge challenge, but when God pours this sort of love into me, I can't help but be a leaky vessel and spew the love back to the world. God's love is not meant to be contained, for it can shake the foundations of the world.
I had to share.
-Elisa.
I found this song on my friend Alex's wedding site and it wowed me. It is such a huge promise!
"Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUykqETc0XQ
"Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you,
throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
that they can fall into
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for"
Love is worth fighting for and Jesus proved this when He, the greatest Lover of all, took my sins to the cross and died for me so that I could have eternal life. He is my shelter, my peace, and He is not going to let me leave the safety of His arms. He fought for me and will continue to fight for my heart. How utterly romantic and wonderful!
God is love. Jesus is God with us. Jesus is love with us! In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we have the promise of what Jesus' love consists.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!"
I don't know about you, but this love sends tingles down my spine and it makes me breathless. I am in awe of the great God who would send His beloved Son to save ME because of this love. What mercy, what grace! He is worthy of praise. And He calls me to share love like this with the world. That is a huge challenge, but when God pours this sort of love into me, I can't help but be a leaky vessel and spew the love back to the world. God's love is not meant to be contained, for it can shake the foundations of the world.
I had to share.
-Elisa.
where else can i go?
John 6:68-69
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
So, with that truth in mind, where else can I go? There is nothing other than God that will heal my heart or bring me peace.
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
So, with that truth in mind, where else can I go? There is nothing other than God that will heal my heart or bring me peace.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Cling to Jesus
Nighttimes are the loneliest. When the world slows down and my mind has time to think about what I've lost, that's when my heart hurts the most. It is when I want to fall asleep and not wake up until life is okay again, but I don't know when that will be. It is when I miss my friends the most and being able to go to Jessica's on a moment's notice if I need to. It is when I remember texting Nick and having him keep me company, if only through a cellphone.
I lost my best friend, my comforter, my lover, my future, hopes, and dreams. All in one instance. And I don't know what God is doing, but I do know that it hurts.
However, today at church a man came up to me who has known me since I was a child. He told me that he had prayed for me just as the service ended, asking God to bless me. God answered him as though He were actually in the room and told Richard, "You have no idea how greatly I am going to bless her." My heart has trouble believing that this pain is a blessing and that this time of searching and questioning is going to bear fruit. But all I have left is God and I must realize that He is sufficient from moment to moment. I do not know where this dark path leads, but I do know that it will take me to light someday. Therefore, all I can do now is press into Jesus and cling to Him.
Dr. Michael Pahl, former professor of New Testament at Prairie and now a pastor at Lendrum MB in Edmonton, wrote in his address to the junior/senior students at Prairie this year the following excerpt:
"...when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus.
Life doesn't just throw curveballs, soemtimes it pitches right at your head. And you can't always duck out of the way, then get up and dust yourself off to face another pitch. Sometimes you writhe around in pain on the playing field of life, and sometimes you have to be carried off in a stretcher.
At those times, there is no vocational skill that will make sense of any of this for you; but neigther is there any theology that will share the pain searing your soul; there is no philosophy that will come alongside you and wrap you in its arms; there is no biblical exegesis that will weep with you and sit with you in silence. But Jesus will, and your Jesus friends will, and you will do this for your friends, being Jesus to them even as they are Jesus to you. This is God's answer to your suffering: he weeps with you, wraps you in his arms, he absorbs your pain into himself, he enters into your suffering as he has already entered into the suffering of the world in Jesus.
So when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus."
I will probably post more from his address later on, but if you want to read the entirety of it for yourself (it's amazing, by the by), here is the link:
http://michaelpahl.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/cling-to-jesus/#comment-102
Well, I have some cover letters to finish so that I can fax some resumes tomorrow. If anyone is actually reading this, then please pray that I will be able to find a job quickly. I am rather nervous but God is faithful and He provides.
-Elisa.
I lost my best friend, my comforter, my lover, my future, hopes, and dreams. All in one instance. And I don't know what God is doing, but I do know that it hurts.
However, today at church a man came up to me who has known me since I was a child. He told me that he had prayed for me just as the service ended, asking God to bless me. God answered him as though He were actually in the room and told Richard, "You have no idea how greatly I am going to bless her." My heart has trouble believing that this pain is a blessing and that this time of searching and questioning is going to bear fruit. But all I have left is God and I must realize that He is sufficient from moment to moment. I do not know where this dark path leads, but I do know that it will take me to light someday. Therefore, all I can do now is press into Jesus and cling to Him.
Dr. Michael Pahl, former professor of New Testament at Prairie and now a pastor at Lendrum MB in Edmonton, wrote in his address to the junior/senior students at Prairie this year the following excerpt:
"...when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus.
Life doesn't just throw curveballs, soemtimes it pitches right at your head. And you can't always duck out of the way, then get up and dust yourself off to face another pitch. Sometimes you writhe around in pain on the playing field of life, and sometimes you have to be carried off in a stretcher.
At those times, there is no vocational skill that will make sense of any of this for you; but neigther is there any theology that will share the pain searing your soul; there is no philosophy that will come alongside you and wrap you in its arms; there is no biblical exegesis that will weep with you and sit with you in silence. But Jesus will, and your Jesus friends will, and you will do this for your friends, being Jesus to them even as they are Jesus to you. This is God's answer to your suffering: he weeps with you, wraps you in his arms, he absorbs your pain into himself, he enters into your suffering as he has already entered into the suffering of the world in Jesus.
So when suffering hits you hard, walk with Jesus."
I will probably post more from his address later on, but if you want to read the entirety of it for yourself (it's amazing, by the by), here is the link:
http://michaelpahl.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/cling-to-jesus/#comment-102
Well, I have some cover letters to finish so that I can fax some resumes tomorrow. If anyone is actually reading this, then please pray that I will be able to find a job quickly. I am rather nervous but God is faithful and He provides.
-Elisa.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Standing Stones
Tonight I feel like I'm drowning under the pain and lost in this ocean of questions without answers and dreams that don't have an ending. I don't understand what God is doing right now and I am constantly trying to figure out what I need to do to "fix" this. But every time that I think about what I could do, God gently but firmly reminds me that He wants me to be still and know that He is God. That He wants me to trust Him and simply know that I am resting in His arms and walking in His will, even though everything seems so very dark these days.
I wrote this poem just over a year ago and I found it again a couple of days ago when I was cleaning out my room. It seems applicable now more than it did when I wrote it.
The darkness is warm,
even though it is full of negative connotations
Here I must simply walk;
I cannot run for I will fall
But when I walk, there is comfort
because when I walk, I trust
And, looking back, it is lighter
so I can see my standing stones*
They testify to His provision,
saving me from the wilderness
and the desolation of myself
Now I walk on, holding to nothing
but knowing my Lifeline
Even when I grope for a stronghold
and cry out as I stumble,
there is a peacefulness that calms me
and I can walk on,
knowing I am walking in the light,
even though it is dark
*The Jewish people erected standing stones as monuments to things God had done for them (i.e., battles won, plagues removed, etc.) to remind themselves of His provision when it seemed as though He wasn't favoring them.
I wrote this poem just over a year ago and I found it again a couple of days ago when I was cleaning out my room. It seems applicable now more than it did when I wrote it.
The darkness is warm,
even though it is full of negative connotations
Here I must simply walk;
I cannot run for I will fall
But when I walk, there is comfort
because when I walk, I trust
And, looking back, it is lighter
so I can see my standing stones*
They testify to His provision,
saving me from the wilderness
and the desolation of myself
Now I walk on, holding to nothing
but knowing my Lifeline
Even when I grope for a stronghold
and cry out as I stumble,
there is a peacefulness that calms me
and I can walk on,
knowing I am walking in the light,
even though it is dark
*The Jewish people erected standing stones as monuments to things God had done for them (i.e., battles won, plagues removed, etc.) to remind themselves of His provision when it seemed as though He wasn't favoring them.
Friday, April 23, 2010
A New Beginning
I have decided that it's time to resurrect my blog, even though I have only used it sporadically over the past few years. I want to share with friends what is in my heart and on my mind because I have found that I understand more about myself when I am sharing with others. I also think best when I am writing, so this is the best of both worlds. I am hoping to post often, even if it's simply a Bible verse or song lyrics that have encouraged me throughout my day. I also hope to share what God is teaching me and what He is showing me this summer.
So, for this "first" post (I am not erasing the few other posts from previous years) I want to share a song that my beautiful best friend Jessica showed me the other day. I first heard this song when my friends' mom died this past December. I didn't hear it again until Tuesday, when Jessica and I were talking about it and how she wanted me to hear it because it applied to our lives right now.
It's called "Safe" and is by Phil Wickham. This song has been on repeat for the past three days, and it is the promise that God is constantly reminding me about whenever I am feeling alone and broken (so most of the time). Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw8LeAM5KOI
Well, that's about all for now.
-Elisa.
So, for this "first" post (I am not erasing the few other posts from previous years) I want to share a song that my beautiful best friend Jessica showed me the other day. I first heard this song when my friends' mom died this past December. I didn't hear it again until Tuesday, when Jessica and I were talking about it and how she wanted me to hear it because it applied to our lives right now.
It's called "Safe" and is by Phil Wickham. This song has been on repeat for the past three days, and it is the promise that God is constantly reminding me about whenever I am feeling alone and broken (so most of the time). Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw8LeAM5KOI
Well, that's about all for now.
-Elisa.
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