Restoration

I wrote this post out in my journal a few nights back and finally am sitting down to put it on here.

"If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart." - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

I don't claim to know every kind of heartbreak. I have lost friends to cancer and I have lost friends to car accidents. The pain for each was different; the heartbreak was different. I have watched friends have their family members die slow deaths to cancer or be woken in the early hours of the morning to an unexpected knock on the door bringing news of a fatal car accident. In each situation the heartbreak that I felt for my friends was different. I have seen lives and families torn apart by divorce but I don't claim to know that sort of heartbreak. I have watched friends tumble down the abyss towards suicide - that heartbreak I know. I have seen young, feminine hearts crushed by undeserving boys who promised beautiful things and then delivered only tears. That pain, I know.

I have never lost a spouse to death or divorce. I have never lost a child, sibling, or parent. Yet, the loss and the heartbreak that I suffered rocked the very foundations of my world and caused me to question my existence and purpose. So how much more would these other heartbreaks shatter one's heart, dreams and possibly, beliefs? I know that a break up between a boyfriend and girlfriend resides on the lower end of the proverbial pain spectrum and that hope is renewed differently than when a death occurs. However, it is still a loss of sorts and it hurts...sometimes agonizingly.

All of this to simply say, someday you will give thanks again. Maybe you'll never give thanks for the loss itself, but instead for the various blessings that may come from such agony. Yes, there are blessings amid agony. Jesus endured such physical and emotional agony on the cross to secure our salvation and banish death forever! If salvation is not a blessing then nothing is!

God works all things for the good of those who love Him. What good is He working in your heart and life? Maybe He's renewed your hope for the future and returned dreams to your heart that you long ago cast away. Maybe He has brought new friends into your life who uplift you and are there when you need someone to lean on. Maybe God has strengthed your remaining family and given you the closeness that you've always desired. And, most of all, maybe God's revealed more of His heart and His character to you through the months of agony. Maybe you have a deeper understanding of His love, grace, compassion, plan, purpose, and rest than ever before. That is the greatest blessing.

It has taken me nearly ten months to reconcile with God and be able to genuinely thank Him for allowing my heart to be broken. I am still broken and raw in areas, but my heart is stronger now through His restoration and I am no longer chained by the label of "broken". I have found that this restoration can only come when I am totally honest with God, even if that means that I am screaming at Him. I have found that He can take even my harshest words graciously and He forgives readily when I calm down and repent. My Jesus loves unconditionally and unreservedly.

So where is your heart? If you're in the dark night of the soul and doubting His existence, He is there. If you see the light growing brighter but the dark regularly swoops in to snatch at your hope, He is there. He is by your side as you lie on the floor sobbing. He is there when you find you have nowhere to turn but to Him, however begrudgingly you may go into His arms. He is there when you seek healing or distraction in momentary pleasures. And He is also there on the good days when you can smile at old memories with fondness instead of anger. He is there to the very end and beyond, when you appear before Him as His pure, righteous bride and He says, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Hold onto Him and hold onto hope, beloved. He will heal you.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23

-Elisa.