Tumbling Thoughts

Well, I haven't posted anything for a little while. I find myself rather exhausted after work and I don't want to do anything except read a book and then go to bed. The topic/theme that has been tossing around my head for the past week is forgiveness.

How do I forgive someone when I really don't want to? What does true forgiveness look like and how would it play out in my life? I have discovered that I cannot forgive people on my own because I have neither the capacity nor the grace to do so. But Jesus has an abundance of grace, and I am asking Him to show me how to forgive and to do it through me and for me. I am still discovering what this is going to look like in my life.

God has also been asking me to follow Him willingly, without grumbling, wherever He wants me to go. I have been fretting about where I am to go after I am done school in April and dreaming of working somewhere exciting and new, where I can forget life and become anonymous. But I sense God asking me to slow down and just follow Him one step at a time. And that step in September will lead me back to Edmonton and I need to go back obediently, not begrudging the fact that He is placing me back there for a second year. He knows where He is taking me and I need to follow faithfully. Somehow.

Finally, a song that has been stuck in my head for the past three days is "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. I am not sure if I have shared it before, but it's still an amazing song. Go listen to it!

"Before the Morning"--Josh Wilson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qG1ThtgguE

"Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning"

-Elisa.