hands and feet.

Often I wonder how I could possibly change the world when I am such a small person with so many fears. I hear the words in my heart "change the world" but I do not know what the first step in that mission would be.

This year seems like such a waste right now because I am not doing anything. I find myself wondering whether or not I should even be in this program and taking these classes because I cannot see any purpose to it right now. Of course there is the purpose of finding a job after I graduate in April, but there has to be a larger reason for this time of training. I am frustrated because I want to be out on adventures and conquering the world for Christ, instead of wading through pages of legal cases about ruptured spleens and soft tissue damage. I love what I am learning but I want practical, hands-on application for it. I want to be out saving the world, not sitting behind a desk.

I find myself longingly studying applications for internships with International Justice Missions and the A21 Campaign instead of wanting to work on homework. I don't even know if God has an internship overseas in His plans for me, but I hope and pray that He does. I read stories of girls being trafficked for prostitution and my heart breaks and the only thing that I can think is "Take me there, God. Just take me there so I can hold them and help them and heal them somehow! Let me be Jesus to them."

Following quickly on the heels of those prayers, though, are the ever-present thoughts that I am not strong enough to go overseas, I am not knowledgeable enough of international legal processes, I am not called to go and my pride is just telling me to go. The list is a long one and it makes me doubt this passion in my heart for justice to be done and for these girls to be freed to know what love is. Who am I to go on a mission such as this? But despite all my fears, I want to go. I want to be Jesus' hands and feet in whatever capacity He would have for me.

Take me there, Jesus.

-Elisa.