Today I find myself internally ranting at God about suffering and why He allows it to occur. His plans are good, perfect, and ultimately for my benefit or the benefit of others, but why does He let me and my friends hurt along the way? Why does He allow broken hearts, broken dreams, lost loved ones, and all the rest? I don't understand the purpose of pain and I am tired of arguing with myself about why, if, when, how, and everything else! And, once again, I find myself falling into my habit of saying "but" statements. God is faithful, but I am in pain. God is good, but my heart is hurting. God's plans are perfect, but I am (fill in the blank).
And, once again, God is gently saying, "No, Elisa. Listen to me. Hear My heart and understand this. You are in pain, but I am faithful. Your heart is hurting, but I am good. You can't see the way forward, but I know the plans I have for you and they are perfect."
You see, this has more significance to me than just having the sentence switched around. I have only watched one Dr. Phil episode in my life and he was saying that the word "but" erases everything in the sentence before it. It negates what came before. So, when I am saying that God is faithful, but I am in pain, I am negating His faithfulness. I'm throwing it back into His face and, ultimately, saying, "Look what YOU did to me! You who are supposed to be faithful. Look at the pain!" Instead, I should be saying everything the other way around, because then I am saying that, even though my heart is hurting, God is faithful. And then my eyes are drawn to God's face, instead of having them focussed on the pain that is here right now.
God's face is beautiful. It is full of love, grace, and mercy. It is the face of the Father who loved His lost ones enough to send His Beloved to earth to win my heart back. It is the face of the Father who knows the pain that I am going through and allows it because He knows that I will be more beautiful and more in-tune with Him for it. I still don't understand suffering, but right now I am okay with that, because I trust in Him to bring me through it and someday I may know why.
Check out this awesome song called "My Savior My God" by Aaron Shust. It's pretty wonderful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb8IpU7asRA
-Elisa.
1 comment:
Oh Elisa, I am praying for you! These lyrics from Tenth Avenue North (Hold My Heart) come to mind:
How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?
One tear in the driving rain,
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
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